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This Page is designed mainly for IE4/5 & NN4 @ 1152x864 & 16bit color on a PC platform
(Latest News)
(2001)
(2000) (1999)
What follows now is the Old news from the year 1999, ie, the previous Millenium!!! *GASP*... *Sigh*... Now thereīs a joke that gets old Fast!!!
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Saturday, 04:10 CET |
1999-12-04
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Update time!!! Nine New posts and a couple of submitted comments to Posts at the New Posts page... and I put links to individual posts on the left side on the Posts Page, this to make it easier for me to browse to a Post if someone submits a comment.
Then thereīs two added regulars, James and Jhvh-1. And a similar linkbar to the left but with abpg usernames... Check it out
On other news, Bip threw out my site (old news by now), so I had to drop Bip.net as a Primary server. They said it was either too "Commercial", "Unethical" or "Illegal"... (???) "CancerMan" told me to mail them and ask what they considered "commercial" on the site!
I said "LOL" to him unknowing of the sarcasm he just pulled. Later someone explained the whole thing to me...
"OH!!! ... NOOOOOOOOW I Geeediiiit!!!
....
ehhhehe
....
*smiling with a blank look thinking*
HUH?!?!?)"
:-)
Seriously, they didnīt like the site (OR, they felt uncomfortable, they obviously didnīt Get IT, this site is all about HUMOR (well, atleast to 50% of it...)!!! with Exception of obvious things like the Links, FAQ and Regulars page) so they closed it!!! Pussies!!!
Now this site is located on two separate servers, Xoom.com, and Freebox.com. Iīm sure Xoom is confident with this site because they had my site on something like "This weeks 10 Sickest Sites on XOOM" (I got a tip on that after like two weeks so I missed the damn thing!) :-/
If that wasnīt enough, I lost my 2 newsservers (well, they deleted abpg from both of them!!!) at virtually same time!!! MAN, I tell u, If I was Oliver Stone, Iīd make a movie about my situation...
(Voiceover:)
"First he lost his webpage... then he lost his two newsservers..."
"His Girlfriend left him..."
"And that was only the beginning!!!"
Actionsequence: Keanu Reeves jumping off a tall building, rotating in the air, aiming his "Shock Rifle" (copyright Epic Games & Digital Extremes) on the BadGuy, pulling the trigger for secondary fire, And we see the BadGuys head Explode...
"HEADSHOT!!!", "GODLIKE!!!"
Keanu land on his feet, looks to his right, into the camera, and says,
"Whoah!"
Blank Screen:
"The ColinZeal Conspiracy"
"Coming Soon"
Ummmmm... Maybe not... :-/ But that sums up my situation pretty good for now, Playing "Unreal Tournament", break-up with gf and crappy newsfeed... thatīs my life right now (oh, and I work too, AHEM, minor detail :-)).
So ummm... anyone out there with a free newsserver that holds alt.binaries.pictures.grotesque???
Iīd be grateful to receive a link to it.
Thatīs about it so far I guess...
Until next time, be well / ColinZeal
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Wednesday, 05:16 CET |
1999-11-17
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SHIT!!! Look at the time Iīm updating this!!! Yikes!!! BUT!!! thereīs a reason for it, Two Oh So Funny clips!!!
:-)
Outhouse.mov and Shock.mpg are the oneīs youīre gonna laugh at... btw, I donīt do ANY kind of drugs when I write the descriptions to the movies. (Hi, Josh!!! :-) Now, go back and face the corner!!! tihihi, geddit??? ;-) #ColinZeal /getting VERY Tired!!!)
And I got a new server too, if you click on "servers" to the left youīll be able to acces the same site, but on another server. Just so that if Bip.net goes down, then Freebox and Xoom still are up for your pleasure!!! And the new server is the "Freebox" server. No banners, or commercials, For FREE!!! :-)
Now, thatīs the sign, When Starting to sound as a spammer, itīs then when itīs time to stop writing/talking.
/ ColinZeal
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Wednesday, 00:36 CET |
1999-11-10
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Saturday, 02:40 CET |
1999-10-30
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Update time again... AHEM... Again??? Maybe not the right word but... Howībout finally??? Yeah, thatīs better... Update time Finally... With added stuff to three pages...
Thereīs two new regulars at the Regulars page. Thunk and DocH. Then thereīs 6 New Posts plus a couple of added comments to older posts... Those things at the NewPosts page, AND Finally
*Drumrolls*
The page that never getīs any kind of updates, Until Now!!!
A short funny conversation added to the We, SICK??? Page...
Thatīs it, Finally Iīm done... Sleeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!
:-/
/ColinZeal
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Monday, 19:44 CET |
1999-10-18
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A HUGE amount of posts added today, twelve of them... (12!!!) Checkīem out Here. Enjoy!
:-)
/ColinZeal
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Friday, 02:08 CET |
1999-10-15
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Ok, this one is just a minor update. Thereīs a problem with the "Posts Page". Itīs getting Too Big. For example, if I add one picture with comments to the page, and someone wants to check it out, then the same person would have to Download the whole 86kb list, just for ONE picture!!!
Plus all Netscapers would have to wait "extra" for the thumbnails to load before seeing the page, Explorer is more dynamic, it displays the page as it builds it up. I had an idea, to make the effort to see the pic easier. I Simply created the "New Posts Page" where you now get redirected if you press the "Posts" link on the top left of this page.
If you didnīt get it, check out the page for yourself. It contains yesterdays posts/comments.
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Thursday, 01:55 CET |
1999-10-14
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At last an update, this time with Heaps of posts... Well, itīs really just one Picture but/and (too tired to think) I got a couple of Comments thru the "Submit" button seen below the posts so Theyīre Spanking NEW!!!
:-)
The new Posts with new comments are, 30-30, Pizza and belgrad5.
Ummm... Well, I donīt know if 4 comments qualifies to usage of the word "heaps" but hey, there were quite alot of comments to the "New" Picture so I guess I was right after all... Man!!! Look at the time!!! I REALLY should go to bed... :-/
But first I have to tell you,
The "Servers" Button on the left leads to a page which has mirrors of this page on different servers. This to prevent a downtime when I canīt update the page. Altough the Xoom mirror is a bit weird, I donīt get any pictures in it with Netscape! First I had the same problem with Explorer, but that problem was a Case-1Sensitive problem... It is now fixed. But the Netscape one bugs me, do the pics Require the FULL Path all the way from "http://" to the picture or what??? Iīm too lazy to try it out. If thereīs anyone who knows, then mail me.
Thatīs it for this time, have fun with the posts!!!
/ColinZeal
Oh Yeah, and this one:
(a joke)
"Dear Wife:
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs
which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you
as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn
that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with
my 18-year old secretary. I'll be home before midnight.
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him
that read as follows:
Dear Husband:
You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this letter, I
will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year old pool boy. Since
you are an accountant, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more
times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore don't wait up.
Your Wife"
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Wednesday, 01:30 CET |
1999-10-06
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Two new Movies, Neff_Lion.mpg and Fastest_Man_In_Serbia.mpeg. New Posts later in the week + some regulars, And more info about what that "Servers" icon on the left is for. If youīre curious, click it, if not, then wait ītill then.
:-)
/ColinZeal
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Monday, 02:33 CET |
1999-09-20
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Ok, so Iīm tired, so VERY very tired... So this is gonna be a quick one. Two new posts. Starting here. And then there were three added posts from Janne, here, here and here. A New Link, on the links page. Itīs to Psyconuttīs
Page. And the New ABPG Faq V2.0 is up at last, some 20 hours ayeh CS??? ;-)
And a funny joke:
A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says,
"
7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy faints.
The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong with you?"
The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"
The big dude looks down and says,
"
7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around'."
Thank you Ladies and Gentlemen! Iīll be here ALL Night!!!
/ColinZeal
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Thursday, 02:25 CET |
1999-09-16 |
Did I say "movie coming up on wednesday"??? Well... what are you complaining about? Itīs still wednesday in the US...???
:-)
A new movie, and an added comment to a post from hippie. Plus that Iīm damn tired...
*YAWN*
GīNight!
/ColinZzzzzzzzz...
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Monday, 18:03 CET |
1999-09-13
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At last an update, very late due to a server upgrade as you might have noticed... Anyway, there were some activity during the time... New FAQ for posting at alt.binaries.pictures.grotesque, Two new Regulars, Laura and glocker and new Hilarious Posts starting Here. And one added reply Here.
And speaking of Funny Posts,
there was someone who posted a picture on alt.binaries.pictures.grotesque a long time ago, and according to Billy the Kid the picture was the "Most disturbing thing heīs EVER seen".
The picture was an animated gif with a Red phone in it, and we ALL know that Billy the Kid was being sarcastic (As SO many of the Regulars are, gotta LOVEīEM for that!!!) when he said what he said and everyone else just caught on. To make a long story a short (-er) one, it turned out to be one of the funniest post ever on alt.binaries.pictures.grotesque. Read it here.
And thanks to adding the pic to the Posts Page I get questions that if I could send them the picture... Some people just donīt geddit...
:-)
And now someone posted to alt.binaries.pictures.grotesque and asked for the pic, which led to another explosion of sarcasm from the funny guys and gals of the NG... And now YOU can LYAO reading the replies that the guy/chick got when he/she asked for the pic...
Click riiiight here... Truly HILARIOUS Stuff!!!
.
What else??? Oh yeah, All You guys that added yourselves to the "Notification for New Movies" have to add yerselves again... My isp has regulations when it comes to "Mass Posting" and with all you guys (111 dudes and dudettes and groving by about 5 every day) on the list itīs closing in on Mass Posting... And i REALLY canīt afford to pay 2000 USD everytime I add a movie right now... So I got myself an account at Listbot.com for the movies notification... I wouldīve added all you guys manually but i couldīnt so you have to do it yourselves... Click here to add yourself again...
Iīm sorry for the inconvenience, but it had to be done, and it really is YOUR fault for adding yourself to the list!!!
;-)
(Just a little "Homer Simpson" logic there...)
Yeah, well, ummm... thatīs it I guess... A new (gross) movie coming up on wednesday...
CYA!!!
/ColinZeal
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Monday, 15:54 CET |
1999-08-30
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Ok, itīs here, the Grossest Clip Iīve ever seen... Puk-E-Sian.mpg
If you have anything grosser than this, then let me know...
:-)
/ColinZeal
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Monday, 03:09 CET |
1999-08-30
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A buckload of posts (seven of them) starting here, and four new Regulars... Swoon777, Gaming Girl, Viper aaaaaaaaaaand BMOC. Mesa wana go to sleep now-a.
Oh yeah and ummm, a GROSS movie coming up tomorrow...
:-)
Sleep Tight! /ColinZeal
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Tuesday, 03:48 CET |
1999-08-24
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Ok, you can see above what time Iīm updating this page, so Iīm pretty glad to be done now...
*YAWN*
Anyway, I put up 4 or 5 (but it feels like 6 at this hour... :-/) new Posts at the Posts Page. Lots of VERY Funny comments... Starts at Here
Thatīs it, now I just have to upload this stuff and then Iīm heading for bed (now if that ainīt interesting, then nothing is! ;-))
*YAWN*
/ColinZeal
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Sunday, 20:16 CET |
1999-08-22
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Iīm in a hurry so iīll keep it short.
Ok, 4 New Regulars added, (neff, Janne, me and Rachel).
Plus, 3 new movies and additional info to the Anthea and Bud Dwyer incident. Plus some minor changes for surfers with 1280x1024 and above.
/ColinZeal
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Saturday, 23:44 CET |
1999-08-21
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Ok, Time for an update, Just Regulars this time... the ones added are, Hippie, (Sorry Man, I just discovered that I forgot to add you after receiving you survey a LONG time age... :-/), CS (aka Nihilist) and The Wedge.
If you follow the NG (abpg that is) AND you havenīt filled in the survey, then please go to Regulars and do it.
More Movies???, I will add 3 of them Tomorrow at this time... But donīt take my word for it.
;-)
/ColinZeal
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Friday, 14:40 CET |
1999-08-13
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Tuesday, 01:03 CET |
1999-08-10
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"More updates tomorrow"?? I meant the Day After tomorrow... ;-)
I added a Movie Tennis.mpg, and two regulars, Who Knows and Rangi Weider. A Post and a couple of addons from Who Knows, Here and Here on the Posts Page.
Thatīs about it...
*sigh*
Bip.net has done it again, they deleted one of my folders, with 4 movies in it...
getting REAL tired with them... Lamers!
Anyhoo, I added a "Broken Link" picture to the appropriate movielinks so people donīt have to be unpleasantly suprised... :-/
Thatīs what i had this time...
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Sunday, 02:50 CET |
1999-08-08
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īK, Iīm back, and iīm not dead as it might have looked like with lack of updates... I added a movie to the Movies section. Suckplan.avi. A guy that gets sucked into air intake of an airplane... Poor guy!
More updates tomorrow... :-)
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Saturday 15:21 CET |
1999-07-24
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Ok, Time for an update again... 3 Posts at the Posts Page, a Discussion and a lot of broken movielinks... *sigh*...
Itīs my Ispīs fault, they deleted my directory (one of them) with like 9 Mb of movies... Thanks to David Scott for pointing that out... I posted Skater.mov and Hare.mpg instantly when i discovered the loss...
So, thatīs it, Iīll keep re-uploading the movies during the week so be patient...
Got myself a new computer, a Celeron 300A (overclocked to 450mhz, works perfectly, though it was kinda Hard to find a 300A... ;-)) and 128 Pc100 Sdram on a ABit BH6 motherboard , so that could be a reason if i donīt update this page that often from now on... Gaming Gaming Gaming!!! :-)
But i WILL continue to subscribe to a.b.p.g. and put the Funny stuff on my pages... No doubt about that...
:-)
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Wednesday, 01:01 CET |
1999-07-14
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This Update shouldīve been up last friday, But my Ispīs Ftp Service decided to quit over the weekend... How convenient! A BIG Kick in the Butt for Bip.net!!!
>:-(
So here comes "Old" news...
4 new regulars added... Demos, Linc,
Psychonutt, and Finally, (After lots of problems with none working surveys... Just for TC i have to add... Never trust AOL i guess... :-)) TheFroon.
And a new Post at the Posts Page plus three new minor posts (only text) added from Psychonutt here, here aaaand here.
Plus I added additional info on two of the movies at the Movies Section. The Vietnam movie and BullAttack2... Thanks for the info people! :-)
Thatīs it.
:-)
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Tuesday, 13:32 CET |
1999-07-06
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Ok, Lotsa updates again, was it like four new regulars on the Regulars Page. Billy the Kid, aemilia, crut, and Rescue. Yep, four.
A couple of new comments on the Posts Page from crut. Here and Here
About Billy the Kid, that guy is NEVER Serious... But heīs funny at times... Someone called him a racist the other day and "TheFroon" (if i remember right...) responded to that like, "But didnīt you know? Thatīs one of Billyīs better sides...".
Hilarious, then you start thinking and realize that "TheFroon" was right about that...
:-)
Oh btw, donīt forget the new movies that i uploaded yesterday... See below for info about those...
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Tuesday, 02:05 CET |
1999-07-06
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Time for an update again, a rather big one (they donīt come too often... so this is Big!). One new Post, one new regular (Straub), and two new movies Bull.qt and Mentos.mpg. Thatīs it.
*YAWN*
I gotta go to sleep.
/ ColinZeal
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Saturday, 21.52 CET |
1999-07-02
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A new Regular and a new Post (at the Posts Page) added.
Other news, in August/September i will get myself my own domainname&server with unlimited access. It will have a capacity of 100Mb, this because iīm tired of people not being able to DL movies from my Movies-section...
Also, i have troubles uploading movies to the damn server!!!
>:-(
So, thatīs my plan for the future THANKSFORASKING!!!
:-)
And, you may notice if you DL a movie they contain an underscore "_", Why??? That is because some sonofabitch webmaster for a PornSite ("OVER 20000 MOVIES!!!" it says when you visit the site, NO! I wonīt link to the bloody site!!!) links to MY movies. AND they charge for it!!! (no, i donīt get a dime) This will eventually lead to increased traffic on my ISPīs server and when they have had enough, theyīll kick me out!
So thatīs why i regurlarly alter the filenames.
So there you have it.
:-)
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Monday, 14:23 CET |
1999-06-28
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Ok, at last i had time, or should we call it, Motivation :-), to update this site... It contains Se7en (always wanted to write that, sorry... :-)) New posts at the Posts Page and one Regular added at Regulars... Who it is??? Itīs the funny guy Llorta.
Ummm... So thatīs it for this time,
Me signing off...
:-)
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Saturday, 15.25 CET |
1999-06-19
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About the Survey, i tried it with Netscape 4.03 and it worked fine... Altough the internal hyperlinks on that page donīt work that fine with Netscape... Thereīs an obvious glitch somewhere... Works fine with IE5... I donīt have time to fix it yet... BusyBusyBusy! :-)
I added "Little_Dirty_Johnny" to the List of regulars... Interesting... I thought he was younger, Not that heīs OLD or anything... No offense, I just got the impression that he was about 20-22...
:-)
Keep the surveys coming people!
:-)
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Friday, 23.52 CET |
1999-06-18
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Two New pages, Regulars Page. It has a Survey intended for the Regulars of ABPG... Fill the blanks and push the "Send" button and iīll put the info up on Regulars Page... Donīt worry, it ainīt TOO personal stuff...
And the other one is "We, SICK?? Page. It contains posts which... AH! To hell with it! Gotta wrap this up! Itīs HILARIOUS!!! Go check it out.
And thereīs a New post on the Posts Page. Check it out
Bye, Gotta hurry.
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Thursday, 14.53 CET |
1999-06-17
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Lack of updates you think ayeh??? Itīs hard to try to update a homepage without a working computer... See, Billīs "WonderOS 95" decided that it (Or maybe itīs a she??? Double pun intended ;-)) wouldnīt be able to create the Registry,
<PauseMode=1>
If youīre thinking: "WhatteHellrUTalkingAbout???", then click here
<PauseMode=0>
The Backup Registry didnīt work either... So i had to begin to install W95 again by deleting my folders "Win95" and "Program Files" in order to get a somewhat "Fresh" install. Why not formatting the c: drive??? I donīt have anywhere to put my 1 gig o stuff that i wanna keep.
"Registry, "Fresh" install, formatting, gig"??? Having second thoughts??? Click Here
So anyhoo, deleting the folders took a mere 2 hours... :-( LOTS of Temporary Internet Files... like 600 megs of them... Just in case i wanna go to a site and donīt wanna connect to the net (we donīt have a flat rate you see...:-/)
Installing and configuring W95 + a huge amount of programs takes a LOT of time (something like 8 hours) so thatīs what iīve been up to...
Now, the new updates:
A new Post on the Posts Page, and two movies, Vietnam.rm and PissMonkey.mpeg on the Movies Page.
Thatīs about it...
Enjoy Them!
:-)
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Saturday, 16.28 CET |
1999-06-12
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Ok, lots of updates. Mainly html stuff, but thereīs other kinds of stuff too... First, thereīs a new Post on the Posts Page and secondly thereīs a little more info on the "Pedophile.mpg", thanks to Darren for that. Third, to compress the Indexpage i moved the older news to a page called, you guessed it, Old News!!!
Then i discovered that the Links Page had a counter inserted in it that shouldnīt be there... (DUH Me!) It counted hits for The Movies Page and that should explain why the that page has 53 hits per day average, but then again, yestarday (friday) the moviespage Did actually have 113 hits, so then my thought is, it canīt be because of the links Page now could it??? Doooonīt think so.
The Movies Page is alive and kicking...
:-)
Anyhoo, Gotta sum this up so I wonīt go thru what i changed in my Htmlcode, you can check it by yourself... Just compare it to when you checked it last time... ??? Noo??? Ok.
:-)
What follows is the new stuff, a New Post and some new added info to Pedophile.mpg
Cya / ColinZeal
*UPDATE*
OOOOPS. I happened to check this site at a higher resolution (than 800x600, which i run) and discovered that This site looks like "shaitt", (=Shit, an English word with a Scottish accent, Traispotting influence... :-)). So, it took a lot more time to fix it...
I was ready to upload these files at 14.48 CET but it always doesnīt go as you planned in the world of PCīs...
But finally, itīs done... *crossing fingers*
:-)
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Thursday, 13.19 CET |
1999-06-10
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Ok, not much new except for a post on the Posts page. Itīs a little anecdote (to a picture) from Llorta that gets more funnier every time you hear (read) it.
Check it out!!!
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Wednesday, 02.11 CET |
1999-06-09
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A new post on the posts page, from the Massive load of pictures that LDJ is posting to the newsgroup (in alphabetical order), he said it was something like 300+ Megs of stuff...
So far he has come to the pics starting with the letter, "C". Now thereīs only 25 or so letters to go thru... 25? maybe, idunno. Iīm NOT gonna count how many letters thereīs left in the alphabet to get it right. Itīs late in the night and iīm supposed to get up in less than... *counting*... 6 hours!!!
Anyhoo, gotta go to sleep, so iīll just provide a link to the new post.
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Monday, 12.28 CET |
1999-06-07 |
Added some more info on the Autopsy movie on the Movies page. Itīs just some info on the movie, what it is and what happens in it. Read about it and download it Here.
Hey! And thanks for All the positive feedback (mail and guestbook) that i get, it really motivates one to do more and better!
Thanks again!
:-)
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Sunday, 21.51 CET |
1999-06-06
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I added some new information on traingirl that i found on ABPG (the newsgroup). Actually the "girl" is an adult female!!! She just wasnīt that tall... SHOCKING MYSTERIES uncovered Here!!!
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Saturday, 15.35 CET |
1999-06-05
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A new post has appeared on ABPG that i HAD to include on the Posts Page. Itīs kinda funny, as they have to be to get on that page, an fine example of Bad humor... :-)
Aaaand itīs from the infamous "Billy the Kid"!!!
Check it out!!!
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Saturday, 03.35 CET |
1999-06-05
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Ok, You Nutscapers (or nEtscapers) forced me to redesign this site (bad conscience when i saw the site thru NN4... :-/), all the jpgs converted (or should i say, REDONE from scratch) to somewhat transparent gifs, getting all the tables together (missing /center tags) and blablablabla!
Iīm glad the update is over, and i hereby Promise to support NN4 fully in my future updates.
To the important stuff, what this site is all about,
STILL no funny comments to put on the Posts Page. But one movie has appeared, Domestic.avi. And I added a link (Gallery of the Grotesque) to the links page too... :-) Brief update, but thatīs it.
Good night! errr.. that would be Goooooood Morning here in scandinavia...
:-(
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Wednesday, 02.58 CET |
1999-06-02
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Ok... Now i finally got my new pages up, damn that Episode 1 Movie!!! Takes ALL of your time! ;-) I got some new movies up in the movies section (NOT Ep1!!! ;-)), Pedophile.mpg, 2_rapist_shot.avi, and Dental.qt... Checkīem out, i can thank "Little Dirty Johnny" for them except for the Pedophile thing altough HE propably uploaded it to ABPG where i got it from... So i guess, thanks for the movies man! :-)
The Links section is up at last.
And i finished my banner (top of this page), 20 kb in size, feel free to use it to link to my site...
Mmmm... the old index page has been renamed to Posts Page. There havenīt been any new funny posts on ABPG (altough Little Dirty Johnny is currently posting 350mb stuff up there) so i havenīt been able to update it really... But you can send in Your comments and iīll put it there. Go there.
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THE BEGINNING
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