http://come.to/abpgmovies - ABPG Movies, Traingirl, Bud Dwyer Suicide, Anthea Turner, Pissing Monkey, Skater.mov...

Movie title: "Traingirl.avi"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: This VERY popular movie shows a girl (THE traingirl) and a man hurrying over a railroad crossing. The man blocks her view to her left where we can see the train is approaching. The man realises that he won´t make it and stops but the girl doesn´t, and as she continues she turns her head to the left and sees the Train in closeup.
BOING!
She ricoches towards the lower rigth corner of the camera...
And she History, Atleast at ABPG...
;-)

*UPDATE*
One "Georgia" claims that she has a tape called "Banned from TV" which includes an unedited version of this clip.
She had the following to tell on alt.binaries.pictures.grotesque...
I quote:
"The man filming the video was not doing a story on dangerous train crossings, he was simply waiting there to capture the last run of an historic locomotive. It was supposed to come through that intersection, but he got a whole lot more than he bargained for.
The person that gets hit by the train is an adult, although small, female. The was deliberately going around the crossbars and ignored the warning lights/bells, and the train's loud, blaring horn. It is clear on the video tape that the engineer souunds the horn for more than a minute before the train enters the crossing. She was trying to beat the train in an effort to get where she was going a few seconds faster. She didn't even look to see where the train was until the last possible second, and by then it was too late.
This is not a "dangerous intersection", and Burlington Northern should NOT be sued....it's just a little bit of Social Darwinism caught on tape. Anyone THAT stupid doesn't need to be contributing to the gene pool!"
Unquote.
And remember folks, It´s all true, u read it on the Internet!
;-)

UPDATE 2001-05-02

Someone at alt.binaries.pictures.grotesque asked about this clip:

"Psycho":
is this film real?
i mean the one showing the little girl being hit by a train?
thanks

Some of the replies that he got were kinda funny:

"Lilith":
Just what we need, another Psyc(h)o and a rehash of traingirl. ;-) One
explanation is that it isn't a little girl, it is a small woman. The film
crew was there to film the last run of an historic train. I got that though
unverifiable chit-chat, so believe it if you want to. There's several
stories floating around about every infamous grotesque clip/pic/series.

"Psycho":
ok, its just intriguing thats all as to whether or not the clip is real.
Do you know if theres any clips out there showing any more footage than the
usual 4 second clip found on most snuff sites?
also, did the girl die?

"Billy the Kid":
Most people who get slammed by a speeding locomotive usually survive.
There is another ten second clip that shows the train flying through another town with the poor girl still pasted on the front of the engine as it goes by. Blood gushing from her head as she screams help me! help me! help me!.

"Lucifer":
And if you check the porn sites, there is a clip of her sucking the
conductors cock because she was so happy she lived. Of course she
turns out to be really hot with a shaved pussy, and the conductor is
an 18 year old guy with a 19 inch cock.

"Kurt":
This is the real thing. It happened near my home and the fact that a film crew was there to record a historic train arrival is also correct. It can be seen in its entirety on a DVD from Fall Line Entertainment copyright 1998 under the title of "The Best of Banned From TV" volumes 1, 2, and 3 all on one DVD. Hope this helps.........

"Psycho":
where is this available to buy from?
thanks for the info

"Psyconutt":
Try amazon.com - they released the binaries onto paper back :) - if you flick thorough the pages fast and adopt the "Matrix" way of vision you will see it in all its glory

If you Thought THOSE Comments were funny, then check out the Posts Pages for More Fun!!!

Size:
538 125 bytes
Format:
Avi

Movie title: "Anthea.mpeg"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: This clip shows a tv-reporter reporter called Anthea Turner sitting on the edge of a truck platform which is covered.
In this brief Spot she says:
(Loud construction type of sounds are heard in the background) "AND IF YOU WAN´T SOMETHING TO HAPPEN TO YOU"BANG!!! A Bomb explodes Near (behind???) Anthea as a Motocross flyes thru the cover... Grey smoke fills the screen for 2-3 frames and then we see her body fall to the ground with a loud "THUMP" as a mark of the end of her landing...
WHATTEHELLHAPPENED!?!?!? Anyone??? I would like to have some background on this...

*UPDATE*
Well, it seems that there´s a "The Totally Unofficial Anthea Turner Homepage" somewhere on the net (there´s just TOO MUCH serverspace dontyathink? :-)) where the casual surfer can find the "Andrea Turner and the Motorcycle" FAQ.
I got this mail from "Robert Fox"

I Quote:
The clip dates back to 1990 and has been taken from an internal BBC training video issued to presenters to make them aware of the perils of the job. It was originally recorded from a live item broadcast during one of the Saturday Morning Kids' programmes on BBC1 (I think it may have been "Going Live"). Anthea was to compere the coverage of the Royal Tournament, and a piece-to-camera had been arranged where she would do a competition link, and at the end there would be a spectacular explosion and a motorcycle would drive out of the back of the lorry parked behind her. The rear of the lorry had been hung with a nitrated (semi-explosive) cloth to hide the motorbike (and Anthea from the rider's view). The cloth would be destroyed by a theatrical thunderflash (a powerful firework used by the Army to simulate grenade explosions in training) which would be detonated by the rider on cue. The director told Anthea to sit on the tailgate of the lorry to do the piece, and of course when the rider fired off the thunderflash, the blast from it and the nitrated cloth set Anthea's hair and mike alight. Fortunately she had the presence of mind to drop off the tailgate, or the bike would have hit her as well. She sustained second degree burns and temporary loss of hearing, but sucessfully sued the BBC and the director of the piece. As a result, the BBC put safety measures in place which included the video the clip comes from.
I Unquote

So she survived, "unfortunately" some people say.
So now we know.

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1 457 148 bytes
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Mpg

Movie title: "Autopsy.rm"
Location: Local
Gore?: An autopsy movie??? Duh!
Description: Autopsy.rm sounds like what it is, an autopsy movie in RealMedia format.
A doctor is doing an autopsy on some (obvioulsy) dead dude, cutting up the dude´s (let´s call him Ben, shall we???) scalp, doing the autopsy thing (HEY, I´m not a doctor!!! :-)). The Doc concentrates mostly on his head in this clip (sounds as if I had more autopsy movies, but I don´t!) pulling the skin over the head down towards Ben´s chest, and doing some... polishing??? I dunno, but then he pulls the skin back over his head and we can see his face being pulled back where it belongs...
Ewwwww!
45 seconds.

Size:
235 358 bytes
Format:
Zipped RealMedia

Movie title: "Crush2.mpg"
Location: Local
Gore?: Nooot Really...
Description: Boys, it HURTS to watch this... It´s someones balls getting crushed by some woman...
Maybe one of those lesbian feminists???
KIDDING girls!
kidding!
:-)

Size:
902 113 bytes
Format:
Mpg

Movie title: "Hare.mpg"
Location: Local
Gore?: Yup!
Description: A Hare (Swedish for rabbit) trying to do a "traingirl"... Replace Train for a Touring Car and you have the result. But the poor easter bunny literally EXPLODES!!! (Much like the "MoreGore" Mutator set for 5 in UnrealTournament!!!)
Caught on Eurosport!!! (European Sportschannel)
I didn´t know they had Gore shows... I thought they were all about sports.
Well, there you go! You never know now do you???
:-)

Size:
205 639 bytes
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Mpg

Movie title: "Dwyer.mpg" & "Bud_Dwyer_2.asf"
Location: Local
Gore?: Blood
Description: A Legendary clip.
A band called "Filter" (Chapter ? in "One-hit wonders of the 20th Century") introduced me to this incident with their brilliant song "Hey man, Nice Shot" in 1995. I didn´t see this movie until summer of 1998. This clip was a popular underground/pirate clip before the internet bloomed.
"OK ALREADY! WHATSITABOUT?!?!?!"
Bud Dwyer, an american politician accused of corruption (as I recall it, Objections?) calls for a pressconferance...
With him he has a brown paperbag in which he holds a 357 Magnum, which he is to use... He pulls out the gun in front of the journalists who starts to shout not to do it. Bud says he won´t do anything, but after a while when he´s tired of the journalists, he puts the gun to his mouth as he seeks (and finds) eyecontact with us (the camera) and pulls the trigger...
Scream accompanies the body as it falls to the floor and ends up sitting with blood gushing out of his nose... As if someone turned a tap to FULL in his head. Unbelievable. I´d guess Bud would´ve followed ABPG (the Ng) if he´d be alive...

*UPDATE*
If you´d like to know more about this incident then head This Way.
Thanks to Creed for the link.

Q: What do Budd Dwyer and Tom Selleck's wife have in common?
A: They both had a magnum go off in their mouth
:-)

UPDATE!!! (finally)
Now there´s a second, Longer version of this clip downloadable. It´s from a totally different angle. Well, it´s still a suicide. Didn´t mean anything else. //ColinZeal

Size:
6 951 088 bytes
Format:
Mpg

NEW!!

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10 187 558 bytes
Format:
Asf

NEW!!

Movie title: "Skater.mov"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: If you´re gonna dl only ONE clip, then THIS is IT!!!
A skateboarder trying to do a neat trick but "The Man Upstairs" (wait, propably the one downstairs) decides to pull his skateboard away from underneath his feet, while he is in the air...
As he´s falling down he struggles to keep his balance so he won´t fall on his nose. The result?
Lot´s of broken bones, his left arm and right leg just yields against the asfalt under the pressure from the rest of his body... And then he looks at his hip (which of course is dislocated in some way ;-)) and propably thinks "MAN, This ain´t what I got in mind!!!"
After that you get too see it in SloMo... (so read the above slow this time) I mean, as if it wasn´t enough...
Damn Right it wasn´t!!! People have wondered how the following seconds would been like. Little_Dirty_Johnny (btw, Thanks for the movie) referred to the Autopsy.rm movie above. lol!
You gotta see this!
LOL!
Poor guy!
:-/
Now he´s an travelling acrobat. Well... maybe Not!

*UPDATE*
If you follow his right hand you can see that he slapped the pavement Really hard... I bet that that did hurt!

Size:
1 594 739 bytes
Format:
Quicktime

(Viewable with MediaPlayer 6.0)

Movie title: "Africa.avi"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: This is a powerful black and white movie shot in africa, during some war.
A friend of mine, Kernel Kewl (who introduced me to abpg), told me that when he did his service they were shown this clip when they had a lesson about Atrocities of War...
It starts off with a british reporter saying something like:
"´terrogated are u???..."
"yeh yeh" the African answers him.
"...so, you´re not going to be killed so you´re going to be okay???"
Then in the next scene we see the same African with his hands and legs tied up, laying on the side of the road with bushes behind him.
He´s pleading (sounds like it) something in his native language, and Then a shot goes off from a rifle and you can see the Power from the rifle as the bushes are almost swept away.
He yells right before he gets shot and you can hear him say "YAY" when the bullet hits him. They finish him off with two more shots and then the clip is over.

Size:
1 290 858 bytes
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Avi

Movie title: "BullAttack2.mpg"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: From Pampalona (spelling?), the yearly Bullrun (or whatever it´s called), they (you know... They! ;-)) release a bunch of bulls on the loose and then start running away from them on narrow streets (atleast they get narrow when you´re chased by them... The Bulls. Not the streets. DUH! ;-))
This time a bull caught someone and plays with he´s/her´s body, picking it up from the ground with he´s horns and swinging it in the air. All this to a shaky camera work and spanish voices saying...???
Anyone hasta espanol (or something)??? Mail me.

*UPDATE*
ABPG Regular Anne Lundy mailed me and told that she saw this clip in one of those "When Good Animals Go Bad!" shows... This is what she had to say...
I quote:
*CUT*
Anyway the woman lived! They show here being interviewed and talking about it. She might have been an animal activist that was there to protest.
*CUT*
Unquote

Size:
1 818 628 bytes
Format:
Mpg

Movie title: "Dental.qt"
Location: Local
Gore?: Noot really
Description: A guy getting executed, getting shot in his right chin which just sinks in and becomes a big crater leading to his mouth... Once again we see the power of the gun closer than ever, atleast on this page.

Size:
290 821 bytes
Format:
Quicktime

Movie title: "Pickup.mpg"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: This is a clip from "The World´s Most yada yada" or whatever it was. It shows a young couple trying to escape from the police with a pickup (hence the name of the movie) after stealing a lawnmover. As they close in on an red ligth they show no sign for slowing down. When they´re crossing the intersection a Semitruck shows up from Nowhere (well, actually from the left) in like 100mph and crushes the pickup like a bug. My cousin (JJL) almost died laughing when he saw this one.

Size:
1 042 436 bytes
Format:
Mpg

Movie title: "Domestic.avi"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: I remember this incident, a swedish newspaper (yes, I live in sweden, the land of tall female blonde nymphomaniacs, the land of swedish meatballs) wrote about this story. The piece said that this happened in front of a camera, and I remember thinking "Where the Hell am I gonna be able to see this?!?!?!". The answer came in form of an attachment in the mail (E, that is) from "Little Dirty Johnny".
Thanks man! (once again :-))
What´s it about? Domestic violence.
A reporter is trying to interview this woman who´s doing her best to avoid the media. Then suddenly her jealous husband comes into the frame and starts to fire shots at the poor woman.
The microphone woman and the cameraman starts to run away from the incident (while the reporter screams "AY-AY-AY-AY-AY-AY-AY-AY- Etc etc, I bet you get the general idea... :-)). After a while he redirects the camera at the (VERY, we now learn) Jealous Husband who´s STILL pointing the gun at his wife and popping the gun. And then the clip restarts, if I remember correctly.

Size:
1 222 752 bytes
Format:
Avi

Movie title: "Vietnam.rm"
Location: Yes
Gore?: No
Description: A famous black&white picture from the vietnam war shows a vietnamese getting shot in front of the camera. The shot is taken exactly at the same time the killer (some kind of officer or something) pulls the trigger. We can see the victims facial expression as the bullet from the gun forces its way into the head.
That´s the famous picture.
This is the Movie.

*UPDATE*
This guy who called himself "Providian" mailed me with this additional info...
I quote:
The subject doing the shooting is actually the
the Chief of Police of Saigon Vietnam. The
year was 1968 and the incident took place during
the Tet offensive. The victim was a suspect Viet
Cong sapper that had been captured.

The film brought so much heat on the US government
that they had the then President of Vietnam fire the
Police Chief. I don't think he was ever charged and I
recently heard he'd came to California later and is
now living somewhere in the Los Angeles area.
Unquote
Interesting... LA huh? I´d be interesting to hear what he had to say about the incident today...
:-)

*UPDATE*
"Cajones" Informs me that the executor in this clip was interviewed in a documentary.
I Quote:
"Well I remember the police being interviewed a year or two ago (he is like 70 now) and he said he was shot because he had just raped and murdered a family or members of , in the area, hence execution on the spot."
Unquote
Ok, so, I always thought of the victim as the, "victim", but if this info IS infact true then he just got what he deserved... And the Cop Did "The right thing", IF IT IS TRUE. I mean, the guy who got shot ain´t (propably) gonna be able to defend himself.
:-/

Size:
289 348 bytes
Format:
RealMedia

Movie title: "PissMonkey.mpeg"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: This one falls under the funny/gross category.
It´s one adorable monkey sitting on the ground and playing with his... "Dingeling".
And then he gets thirsty.
...
SOOOOO Gross...
He start to piss and redirects the "Natural Liquid Squirt" to his mouth. And then he pauses and we can see him thinking:
"AHHH... *SLURP* Yummy Yummy Yummy!!!" And then he drinks some more...

Size:
958 588 bytes
Format:
Mpg

Movie title: "Suckplan.mpg"
Location: Local
Gore?: ?
Description: Haven´t really seen this one (can´t get it to work, but it works on other computers...) but it´s supposed to be a short little cute story about this Airplane Mechanic that gets sucked into air intake of an Airplane...
Poor Guy! LOL!
:-)

*UPDATE*
Ok, Now i´ve seen it. It´s all I wrote above. It´s from the Desert Storm during the nightly bombing runs the americans/allied made. This mechanic appears from under the wing of a (what looks like a) "Harrier", and first raises from the ground slowly then he just disppears into the airintake. And then you can see a BIG Flames from the exhaust.
Pretty Cool.
:-)

*UPDATE*
And the guy survived... His helmet took off and jammed the rotorblades inside the airintake.
Heard it on the net...
;-)

*ANOTHER UPDATE*
Look guys, it may not be a "Harrier Jet" (judging from the mail and Guestbook entries I got) in the video, I don´t really care.
okay?
:-)

Size:
356 356 bytes
Format:
Mpg

Movie title: "Tennis.mpg"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: "The Best of Tennis - See that Break in SLOOOW Motion - tennis.mpg" was the hilarious header when Mr Oizo presented this Clip to ABPG... It shows a tennisplayer during a doubles match running in slomo, (does that make it walking?) to get to the ball, when sliding to the ball his slightly unstable ankle yields under the pressure and he scratches the floor with "whats-left-when-the-ankle-folds-away".
Ouch. To say the least.
:-)

Size:
332 693 bytes
Format:
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Movie title: "Lookfirst_1.mpg" aka Pizzaguy.mpg
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: This one stirred up a big controversy at ABPG... debating if it´s real or not, now you can decide for yourself. It shows a guy walking over a street and looking only to his left for crossing cars... And then he gets hit by a car (which comes in like 80 mph) from the right, which is followed by a ride thru the air until he hits the ground...
Real or Not?
The Aussies say it´s fake, they say this appeared on TV as an ad for, ummm, I think it was traffic security...
What says it´s real then?
Well... The hit looks SO real, I watched it in 5% speed of the original, and I saw No cuts, No glitches or anything... Nothing! But then again, Why is there a logo of an "Emmy" award at the lower left corner??? Why does the camera follow the dude??? what´s so special about him, he just bought a Pizza? That´s special?
Wait! I´VE bought a pizza or two in my days...
"Mom, You were right!!! I´m Special!!!"!!! :-)

*UPDATE*
I have gotten a lot of mail from australia about this clip , here´s one from "JOHN". All the mails i´ve gotten cover the same fact:

QUOTE:
The footage you have, of the guy with the pizza being hit by a car was indeed staged by the Victorian Traffic Accident Commission in Australia as part of an ongoing road safety capaign - about two years ago if I remember right.

It's part of a continuing series of VERY graphic ads, which seem to have been quite effective and have won many awards.

It was actually filmed in Altona, a suburb of Melbourne, in Somers Parade about a block away from where I live :)
UNQUOTE:

So THAT should settle it.

Dl it and watch and show it to someone, and enjoy his/hers shocked expression (like my babysister, "Hi Heidi" :-)).
And then Dl the next movie...

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3 063 634 bytes
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Mpg

Movie title: "Pooljump.mpg"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: ...which is a movie of a guy that tries to impress someone by jumping over a pool, hence the name "Pooljump".
He fails miserably.
:-)
Or let´s say the first leg makes it, and the other one doesn´t, and the middle leg??? Well...
:-)

Size:
653 316 bytes
Format:
Mpg

Movie title: "Elephant.mpg"
Location: Local
Gore?: No, but Gross!
Description: This clip shows a guy washing the floor behind an elephant (probably in a Zoo), and suddenly the elephant decides to sit. The guy is looking down at the floor as the elephants asshole approaches the guys head and SWALLOWS it Anally!!!
LOL!!!
The guy panics when he can´t see shit (Well actually, if he´d just opened his eyes... :-)) and starts to, well I guess he tried to yell but, ya know, (an elephants ass is probably soundproof...) so he starts waiving with his hands and hitting the poor elephant...

Size:
693 483 bytes
Format:
Mpg

Movie title: "Ouch.mpeg"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: This classic clip shows a gymnast running towards a buck, and slipping on the trampoline instead of jumping off it. And he doesn´t stop there, otherwise this clip would be worthless you know... No, he slams into the Buck in like 100 Mph and almost knocks himself out.
HILARIOUS!!!
:-)
I remember when I saw this clip for the first time I almost peed myself, I saw it every morning at school and couldn´t stop laughing... Everybody else thought I was sick or something... Me? Get outta here!!!
It seems like I´m the only normal one...
:-)

Size:
653 316 bytes
Format:
Mpeg

Movie title: "Bikesmash.avi"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: This ones as much for the Bikelovers as the Bikehaters... It shows a motorcycle accelerating AH HELL!!! I feel that I can´t be creative right now, just DL it and see it for yourself.
Two Bikes crash at high speed.

Size:
790 528 bytes
Format:
Avi

Movie title: "Puk-E-Sian.mpg"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description:

A few days ago...

CancerMan: "hey... I just saw the grossest thing ever..."
ColinZeal: "Huh, WhatWhatWereIWanna!?!?!?!"
CancerMan: "don´t worry, I saved it for you..."
ColinZeal: "AAAAAHHHhhhh..."

Present day:

HURL!!!
This has got to be the single grossest thing i´ve EVER Seen!!! (and i´ve seen a lot!)
I tested this clip on a couple of other people, and it was a "Hit" with them. I Described it to couple of others, and it was a hit there too... My (then) girlfriend skipped the second part, ("EEeeeeewwwWWWwww!!! I don´t wanna hear no More!!!"). Oh btw, with "A Hit" I mean, grossing people out... :-)
Can you imagine that the right words can gross you out, words and frases like, the "warm" smell of puke, that sour feeling in your throat which leads up to your nose, and the pieces of almost fully digested food, pasta, rice, spaghetti, peas, in a bubbly brownish warm gravy... MMMMmmm... Imagine all that falling into your mouth. That´s what you´re gonna see...
It´s SOOO Gross!!!
Yeeeess, I really don´t have anything else to say than, "Enjoy".
:-)
HURL!!!
Any comments on this clip??? I´d LOVE to hear´em... Send them Here.

And here are some of the comments I´ve gotten in th mail regarding this clip:

"Branded":
Unbelievable, I can barely stop laughing at my own disgust. It took a second viewing to really get a "feel" for it. Congratulations, that is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. I'm sending it to everyone I know...

"Jason":
That is undenyably one of the most disgusting clips I have ever seen. Keep up the good work.

"Worthy":
The sickest thing I have ever seen. Excellent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Bloody Fang":
My God, I almost puked. That was fucking great.

And from the Guestbook,
"Zoctan":
I've yet to watch past the .5 second mark on the puke clip... that's just wrong.

Now, if THOSE Comments doesn´t convince you to Download this clip, then what will???
;-)

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1 866 176 bytes
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Mpg

Minipoll from ColinZeal: How did you find my site!??!?! Details Please /ColinZeal
And your Name???

Movie title: "TheTurd.avi"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: The last evening I was doing my military service for Uncle, "Sven" (Sweden that is), we were transported back down to Stockholm (from Luleå, F21) in a Bus, a trip that usually took almost 12 hours overnight. We were bound for Örnsköldsvik (the town where Hockey Players like Peter Forsberg, Markus Näslund and the Twins Sedin come from, just a little info for the HockeyFans... :-)) for our meal before we go to sleep in the "HellBus" (there´s just NO Room for ALL of us to sleep in there!!!) Sleepingbus My ASS!!! Talk about waking up on a BadHairDay EVERY morning...

Anyway, during the ride to Ö-vik we usually caught a movie on the little 10 inch screens... Usually Hollywood blockbusters or other kind of stuff. This last night it was the "other kind of stuff".
One of us (lets call him "Peter K", NO!!! Let´s call him "P. Karlsson" instead. ;-)) had a movie on VHS which he plugged into the video.
Now, the bus had 2 floors, we in our company occupying the bottom floor and all the newbies occupying the top floor.

The movie started with a man that undressed himself and crouched infront of a woman, who put a plate under the dudes ass... The camera starts to Zoom in closer to the guys anus, and we could hear some of the Newbies say things like "Whattehell???" and "Huh???"...
Suddenly a small, almost cute little turd starts to appear, growing bigger and bigger when it comes out of the anus. Now there´s some screaming (and "EWWWwwwss") from the top floor to "to shut the Damn thing OFF!!!" and we at the bottom floor start to laugh.

The Turd drops on the plate and someone says some german (Of course it´s german!!! ;-)) words and the guy in the film turns around and grabs the plate. Then he reaches for a spoon from the table near him and starts to feed the woman with his own feces...
LOL!!! As we are laughing our asses off we hear that the upper floor is in RIOT, they are Screaming that the bottom floor would shut the damn thing off.

But we wouldn´t... or, couldn´t. We were having TOO MUCH FUN listening to the newbies complain and almost puking to what they were seeing. It was fysically impossible to move at the time. I was laughing so much (I´m pretty sure we all were!!!) that my stomach muscles hurted, it was hard to see anything because of all the tears (I actually saw a great guy named "Jandert" and we exchanced looks and we both laughed MORE), it was actually hard to breath. God DAMN I´d love to laugh that much again...
:-)
Then there is this guy from "Tierp" that comes down the stairs swearing and ejects the tape and looks at ME, of all the guys, and says "Colin!!! God DAMN, U Sick Son of a Bitch!!!" (as if it was MY tape!!?!?!? COME ON!!! Me??? ;-)). We all knew that he pointed out the "wrong" guy (ok, I DO like grossing out people for the fun of it!!! their facial expressions are the BEST!!! :-)) and started laughing even more...

That was (and still IS) one of the funniest moments in my life, but what does that got to do with this "theturd.avi" clip? Weeeeelll it´s similar to the movie (except for the plate and spoon bit ;-)) in the story that I just wrote, but my little anecdote was way too funny not to share...
Ahhh...
"Meeeemorieeeeees..."
:-)

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1 558 176 bytes
Format:
Avi

Movie title: "Fastest_Man_In_Serbia.mpeg"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: Filmed from the tip of missile this clip shows the camera (the missile) closing in on a house. In the last second a Man runs out from the soon to be ruin. Unbelievable luck.
Btw, reminds me of that clip Schwarthskopf (Spelling???) showed at a pressconferense during the "Desert Storm" back in the Nineties (Hey! In a couple of months that will be legit!). It too showed a missile approaching it´s target, this time a bridge. Only a second before the missile hits the bridge a motorcyclist drives past the camera in like 140 mph, and after he disappears, the bridge blows up!
I heard it was on the net but I couldn´t find it, so Do ANY of you guys have it? Or know where to get it? ("The Internet" doesn´t qualify as an answer! ;-))
Contact me!
DON`T Mail it to me!!! Send it thru ICQ.
UIN:4889559

Size:
849 312 bytes
Format:
Mpg

Movie title: "Neff_Lion.mpg"
Location: Local
Gore?: A Little
Description: I´ve seen a series of 20 pics or so of this incident, and now the movie is here thanks to ABPG Regular "Neff". It´s about a incident on some safari (in africa I presume). It shows a japanese outside of his car, sneaking up on something with his 8 mm camera and being attacked by a Lion from behind. And don´t think dear "Simba" (or was it "Pumba"???) stops there.
Nooo...
The clip lasts for 48 seconds.
Not much for creativity right now. Sorry!
:-)

Size:
3 667 972 bytes
Format:
Mpg

Movie title: "Larsson.mpg"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: Similar to Tennis.mpg this clip shows the disadvantages with sports... A highly succesful Swedish star soccer striker (Repeat THAT ten times as fast as you can!!! :-)) called "Henrik Larsson" breaks his leg during a match against "Olympique Lyonnais" in the UEFA Cup. He battles for the ball against "Serge Blanc" in the opposite team. Then both of his bones ("fibia" and "fibulis", was that it Maria??? :-)) below the left knee breaks and he falls to the ground with the Frenchman all over him... He slides on his back with his leg in a 90 degree angle parallell to the ground and the broken part (all the way to the foot) dangling... Ouch!!!
To quote "Homer Simpson" (I THINK it was him... not sure though...):
"Son, the first step of trying is the first step towards failure" :-)
I´m sure "Henrik Larsson" missed that episode, but then again, he makes More money than I do... :-)
The irony of the match???
"Serge Blanc" scored the gamewinning goal. 1-0

Size:
1 336 168 bytes
Format:
Zipped Mpg

Movie title: "Outhouse.mov"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: Now, the next two clips are The 2 Funniest Clips I´ve ever seen... (Besides Ouch.mpg)
You might´ve seen this one as it´s an old one (But this clip falls into the "ClipsThatColinZealShowsToEVERYONE!!!" category, and what better medium than, uhhh... "Inter-"WhatEverItsCalled ;-)).
I found it on the net a couple of years ago, and after downloading it I put it on "loopmode" and started watching it. That turned out to be a BIG Mistake...
"Soooo, What´s it about???"
It´s filmed on a construction yard "somewhere" and the cameraman happens to catch a "Something" (I can´t really tell due to the bad video quality, can you? Mail me.) push over an outhouse (=a movable toilet)
The cameraman goes like "oh nooo" repeatedly as we see people running over to the toilet. A puddle of a brownish liquid (Now, WHAT could THAT be??? Someone eating chocolate pudding in there maybe??? Dooooooon´t Think SO!!! ;-)) starts to get bigger under the outhouse.
"Ooh Nooo!!!"
The resque´rs start´s to push up the outhouse and we see see that the door opens towards the ground and a Guy falls out of there into the puddle with ALOT of, Ummm... "Stuff" (a bit warm maybe??? ;-)) pouring over him!!!
"OOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOO!!!"
At this point (on the the 3rd or 4th loop, COME ON!!! It was over two years ago!!! :-)) I was laughing so hard (as much as in the anecdote I wrote about in TheThurd clip) that I had bellyache, I crouched over to mitigate the pain, but it didn´t work. So instead of apathetically falling on the floor and knocking myself out I just BARELY took myself to the sofa (a meter and a half away) to lie there instead of on the floor.

*** Minutes pass in ColinZeal´s life ***
Because the "OOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOO"´s never seemed to end (NEVER Loop a clip kids!!!), I started to fear dying of laughter so I thought that it Just MIGHT be a Good idea to shut down the movie. So, equipped with this brilliant idea and with a "+2 Adrenaline Kick" I got up (like a cripple; Remember, I was still LMAO) and started my journey to the desk, 1500 millimeters away (Just trying to give you and idea of my hell... :-)). I got off course because of the extreme laughattack and stranded on a nearby couch... "OOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOO!!!" After laughing a bit, I headed for the chair, sat down and tried to take over my out-of-control/malfunctioning spine with my willpower and tried to get it to redirect my upper body towards the keyboard so I could shut the damn thing off... And in the end, my great plan worked. And me, an overdoer??? Pfyff...

Size:
1 221 716 bytes
Format:
Quicktime

Movie title: "Shock.mpg"
Location: Local
Gore?: No
Description: Two men, a banana, an idiot, a fraud, poke in the eye, electric shock, throwing things, suprise, girlish screaming, manic laughter, white t-shirts, attempt of murder, a flashlight, anger - And yet you seem to Fail to understand why this clip is So DAMN FUNNY?!?!?

*UPDATE*
I got this mail from a guy that likes to call himself "Vance" (or maybe his name Really IS "Vance"... You never know now do you??? :-)). In his mail he described what he felt when he saw this clip, and when I read it I got these flashbacks which confirms that I felt EXACTLY (almost, minus the gayphobic stuff if you find it, I´d like to be politically correct... ;-)) in the same way as "Vance" did...
So, here comes the mail:

QUOTE:
"That vid of the guy tricking his faggish friend with the phony shock has got me dying! I can barely fucking type I am laughin so hard!!! Holy shit what a fag! He's like all "EEEwwww! EEEEEE... electric shock!!! what do I do!!!" what a fag!!!! and then he stuffs a banana in the guys eye!!!::: what the fuck was that! Learn to take a joke you little queer. I wish there was more video of the shocked guy beeting the shit out of the little girlie man for poking him in the eye with A FUCKING BANANA! what a fag. what a fag. what a fag."
UNQUOTE:

Size:
678 340 bytes
Format:
Mpg

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Be sure also to check out the Posts Page for some surely sick and tasteless but oh so funny stuff...
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;-)

(ColinZeal)

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