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Del 4: Bruce - a recovering online gamer tells his story
PCGaming.nu met former computer gaming addict Bruce Wright. He grew up in Michigan but spent most of his adult life in various parts of the southern United States. Along the way he was trained as a scientist and earned a Ph.D. in physiology in Louisiana. He also went on to a couple of post doctoral positions before landing at a small college in Georgia, and later he went on to the Caribbean, where he now resides as a medical school faculty member.
Bruce is a living proof of that anyone can be a gaming addict. It doesn’t matter how educated you are or which job you have, and even if there is a small amount of people getting addicted this is our proof that anyone can fall.
Bruce is a recovering gamer, I asked him to tell me about how he got caught on gaming and why he got addicted?
“My problems with gaming actually preceded personal computers. I became involved with the old Apple II's and their games, but my particular brand of gaming addiction crossed technology lines and includes board-based war games, Dungeons and Dragons, and while they lasted, play by mail games. I had my turn with the online games, though, such as Runescape and Diplomacy.”
For Bruce the problems with the games started as a way to cope with perceived problems in his real life. In the gaming world he could be someone else who didn't have to go to class, get bad grades, deal with not having a girlfriend, and all those other problems of his youth that would have better dealt with head-on. Bruce says “Once the hook was set, I found that I could not stop. The more the game dealt with a direct disconnect with reality, as in Dungeons and Dragons, the stronger the pull was.
It’s not like we who were hooked didn't know, twenty-plus years ago, either. I would come in from summer with my parents in Texas, asking my friends in Louisiana for a gaming fix, and they'd always have a D&D game ready for me. They understood, but almost no one else did.”
Bruce also tells me that he is one of the fortunate ones, in that he didn’t played games like, for instance, World of warcraft or Everquest. “I was more involved in less-intense but still addictive online games, and the home I lived in on a plantation in Georgia had never been wired for high-speed access, so I couldn't get Everquest when it was new and I was already in OLGA when WoW came out, so I dodged that bullet too. Given my personality, I have no doubt that had I had the opportunity to be in on the ground floor on Eq, I'd have been there in a heartbeat.”
What happened to your outside gaming life, your social life, family and work?
“What didn't happen? At one point in my life I left my first wife, in part because she'd weaned me down to that last, special game-- and despite my four year old boy, and my home and everything else, I could not give up that last game. So I left her. Of course my work was affected and eventually I could not keep my job at that tiny college, in part because, despite my best efforts at the time, I simply could not stop playing, even at work. My social life revolved around the games when I was young, and though I eventually got better at real life, no one would call me a social animal even today. The difference is, now I work at real life, and make a difference to others, not just my fantasy character. It’s a lot more rewarding.”
What was the triggering factor for you to get help? And what kind of help did you get?
“My second and current/forever/final wife figured out shortly after we were married just how deep my gaming addiction was. I told her that there was no help for me, that I had tried to quit for 20 years, and nothing worked, there was no group out there, and no one else believed that gaming was even addictive.
How things have changed in the last four years, Everquest and WoW have a lot to do with that. Anyway, as is so often the case, I was wrong and my wife proved it, by finding OLGA. It was already too late to save my job, but I did save my marriage, and along the way I found my way back to reality. Going back is not an option.”
I ask Bruce how his life is today and he says that he wishes that he could say it's perfect, but its not. “I enjoy what I do for a living, but I am a long way from my family and I did a fine job of burning my bridges near my wife's home during the years I was deep in the games. There are a lot of things in my field that I can't do anymore because I had the wrong focus for so many years. But I don't invest my time or emotional energy in reliving the past and the mistakes I made. I live on my tropical island and climb the volcano once a week or so. I'm involved in campus and other island activities, and I even do a little research, which I had given up all hope of being involved in. So while things aren't perfect, I am relatively content. I am working hard at being the best person I can be, today, and I have faith that things will be better still in the future, because I am investing full-time in me, and in my family.”
Bruce himself does not play any games as it is today, he doesn’t even play solitaire. He tells me that he simply can’t. “I know that some people can handle certain games, but I'm not one of them. For me, and I speak just for me, any gaming is too much gaming.”
Bruce doesn’t seems to think that gaming or games is all bad. Most games provide enjoyment and pleasure, without the dark side of excess and escapism. And most people can enjoy them or not, as they choose. Any behavior, be it collecting comic books or running, can be taken to extremes by some people. Gaming, like gambling or drinking, appears to be much more dangerous for some people than others, and we don't always know why.
Children with outgoing personalities, who regularly engage in school activities and have friends that they share experiences with, can probably afford a little more time. But those children who are already introverted or otherwise have a problem "fitting in" should be very wary of spending a lot of time online. “It is too easy today to assume a new persona, and sacrifice what is real, for that collection of pixels and dreams.”
How much should parents participate in kids gaming?
They should participate very intensely. They need to know without any ambiguity whether their child is merely playing a game, or becoming the person portrayed on the screen. And it’s not just the time in-game. One of the things about gaming addiction is its ability to let you become someone else. If you have friends who know you in the context of that persona, and you theirs, it is possible to have whole conversations in the context of those not-real characters and never come up for air, for hours at a time, even if the game is not physically turned on.
Games are fun. But they're not real. Children are supposed to play pretend, but then they come home for dinner and their real lives. Parents need to make sure that when their kids play, they leave their characters behind when the game is off, in all ways. That their kids participate in real life with at least as much gusto and vigor as in any fantasy game. That real life, including dreary homework and chores, always come first. Its not always fun. But it’s important.
Finally I ask Bruce if there is anything he would like to tell our readers about the online gaming addiction.
"Don't assume it can't happen to you, or to your kids, or to your husband. Don't assume it can't develop quickly, or that you can control it without help if it does. DO know that there is help out there, both among professionals and in twelve step programs like On-Line Gamers Anonymous, should you be among those of us who cannot handle games. Along the way to recovery, you may find as I did, that the journey was not wholly in vain, and you are a better person than you might have been, had you not had to look within yourself in the process of recovery. The sun DOES rise, life goes on... and so can you. Better than ever. One day at a time."
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