Not the one to blame
Start of May 2005



Lyrics: In the order they come.
- HIM, Pretending
- HIM, Heartache every moment
- HIM, In joy and sorrow
- HIM, One last time

Notes: Just read it and then behead me. This was an alternative writing style I wanted to test. I won’t make anything more in this form, but it would be interesting to know what you think.

“Love is a flame that can’t be tamed and though we are its willing prey
my darling
we are not the ones to blame”

Heated bodies, racing hearts. Lust and pleasure mingling with the wild fire of youth. In the darkest and deepest of the training centre, they could embrace each other.

Hard, wild, hot, fast. Brain shattering orgasms, bodies trembling and shaking, breathing hitching. Wanting to stay, wanting to cuddle, wanting more.

With a grunt the big body moved from him. Leaving him cold and alone.

“Same place tomorrow?”

He only nodded and then… alone. Naked, still trembling, still dizzy. Alone again. Tears slowly slid down his ebony still face.

“From lashes to ashes and from lust to dust
In your sweetest torment
I am lost
And we sense the danger but don't wanna give up”

Fire, blood, anger. Glimmering blades in a endless dance. Swirling motions meant to hurt, to kill.

Blazing fire, ice-cold ice.

Perfection in graze. Perfection in human bodies. Angels and demons whispering oaths and promises. Smiling while his very being slowly was being torn to pieces.

Pain so suffocating it made him want to cry and scream, ate him alive from within. “Why?”, he wanted to scream. “Why this pain? Why this suffering?”

Only a blade replied to his pleads.

“We are young and lost and so afraid
There’s no cure for the pain, no shelter from the rain, all our prayers seem to fail”

No wonder they called him cold. No wonder he was called a bastard. No wonder he couldn’t smile.

The world was falling apart around him. How could he care, when he was a hollow being? In this flesh and bones, nothing but emptiness rested.

Every time he had to brace himself, a little more was lost and shattered inside. Every time he had to lash out in pretended hate, he cried.

If there was any being controlling their faiths, why had it abandoned him?

No divine power, could let this horror happen. To create the mad soul they were battling. No holy spirit could meant for him to sacrifice the ones being called his friends. What demon wanted to torment him so? To force his hollow being into tears and anger and hate when he did not want to.

Who could want to live with this pain inside? Why fight, when the darkness so calmly presented it self? Why follow a empty promise?

“Is it so hard to believe our hearts
Are made to be broken by love
That in constant dying lies
The beauty of it all
My darling won't you feel
The sweet heaven in
Our endless cry”

Feeling nothing, hearing nothing. Floating in a endless, painless darkness.

He could be happy like this. Floating in emptiness. Feeling no suffering, feeling no pain. Only slowly and gently be coxed to endless sleep. He could stay like this. He could accept this darkness…
Light disturbed him. Something calling his name. Something searching for him.

Opening storm-blue eyes, he gazed into loving, soft green.

Author’s Whining:
Don’t fear. I’m sure my little HIM mania is over for now. I was climbing the walls for wanting to do something with the lyrics.

~ Reveiw