Lovers Trust
Start of June 2005




He was hurting. Like a physical hurt but not. He couldn’t explain it. He was confused too. He couldn’t control his thoughts. It was like something else, something alien, was inside of him and controlled him and he could only watch. At the most he could force his thoughts through. All the pain, all the confusion was because of Seifer.

After that time, in the kitchen he thought, something had awoken.

“I love you.”

Had he just said that or just thought it? He didn’t know but it was what had woken. He could almost grasp the whole situation, but then it was gone in that other whirling mass inside of him. He had a hard time keeping this small line of sanity. He knew at some level that he was clutching Seifer’s shirt and swaying in the steady embrace.

It was only Seifer that could do this. Under his more clear moments, when the other thing wasn’t in control, he knew Seifer was always present. His steady talking and breathing and heartbeats were an anchor in this scary world that was Squall’s mind. In the kitchen, he’d come to a conclusion. He loved Seifer, always had, but it hurt. It hurt so much with these two sides in him that he didn’t understand.

Swirling memories, he thought it was, lurked just outside his grasping range. But they came back during sleep. They were always present in the back of his head, telling him how to react, how to be, how to fear things that were ridiculous to fear.

He thought he moaned pitifully against the hollow of Seifer’s throat when those memories wanted him to do things he didn’t want to. It wasn’t him. He knew it, Seifer knew it, and it helped. Seifer knew who he was. It wasn’t him. With Seifer there, he could almost take control over that… thing. Seifer was trust and love and strength. Squall just hadn’t realized that before.

(I love you)

“I’ll love you.”

He whined when Seifer spoke to another person and his voice wasn’t happy. It made Squall scared, because love hurt. Seifer leaving him meant pain and anger. Seifer stroked a hand through his hair and Squall could only whine. He wanted more. More warmth, more safeness. He knew what was happening before Seifer spoke and he didn’t want to. “Love? I have to go, you’re supposed to sleep now.” He murmured in Squall’s ear. Squall whimpered and screamed in his own soul when he felt that clarity slowly slip away from him and leaving him like that… thing.

“No. No.” But warmth was leaving him. He started screaming and crying for warmth to come back. He would be good, as long as they don’t hurt him. As long as warmth came back.

The white robed people took Seifer’s place and Squall succumbed to that thing and the panic. His struggle was futile. He soon laid sobbing and slowly falling asleep under the pressure of the drug. No warmth meant pain.

For the first time he really wanted to do ill things to the doctor.

“Can’t you see it’s the wrong thing to do!?” He roared. Lauriell may have flinched but she glared up.

“In four days, nothing has happened! At this pace, we’ll lose him!” She screamed back.

“No progress? Fuck your progress! You don’t know him, how can you tell?!” Seifer roared back. That only made her stick out her chin.

“Your head is clouded because he’s your lover. As a doctor, I see nothing has happened. You want him to get better and think you see things that indicates that you’re right.” She said calm but still heated in a tone that said, “I’m a doctor, you stupid lowlife.”

He wanted to strangle her or smack her to make her see. She probably saw his desire, because she glanced at the guards and they took a few steps closer. Laguna hawked to interrupt a coming disaster.

“Maybe we could just wait a few more…”

“No! We have to move him and get to exanimate him. I’m sorry Mr. President, but it could be the death or life of your son we’re talking about.” She said controlled and Seifer almost laughed. Would you believe that? He started to think she only wanted to do this to be remembered in science history.

“Alright.” Seifer blinked at Laguna and couldn’t believe his ears.

“What? No way. You can’t do this! Don’t anyone of you see he doesn’t need that?!” He growled but he only got blank stares.

“Mr. Almasy I have to beg your leave. I can’t authorize your presence here again.” Lauriell said coldly and Seifer glared down at her.

“Fuck you, like I would care!” Which he wouldn’t. He wasn’t going to just abandon Squall in the hands of strangers. And he didn’t care about the surprised hiss of breath from various spectators at his language.

“Seifer… Maybe you ought to calm down, right now you’re not thinking straight.” Laguna said carefully and Seifer only sneered.

“I’m the only one that does!” But he already knew that he couldn’t change their opinion. That’s the way of “grown-ups”. They never listened to you and having a bad temper didn’t help.

“Mr. Almasy, please come with us,” one of the guards said at last, but didn’t touch him or get any closer. He glared expectantly at Laguna. He couldn’t seriously be supporting this. After a minute, the guard repeated his plea. Seifer only growled and swirled around. The guards that were to escort him out flinched away and then followed his fast stride at a good, safe distance.

Couldn’t they see it was the wrong way? The last two days, Seifer had felt something. He’d started to make his own analysis at Squall’s reactions and words and pattern. He didn’t need to be locked up in a fucked-up machine! He needed more waking hours and more contact with other human beings. Anyone knew loneliness made you insane. In his room, he could only pace back and forth. What to do? He couldn’t let them get away with this. He needed to do something but his brain just didn’t want to cooperate and soon it could be to late.

When he as most needed his tactic strategies they abandoned him. He stopped and roughly rubbed the scar between his eyes. That’s it. There was no other way. He had to take Squall away from there.

He knew he was right. He could feel it. They weren’t going at this the right way. Loading him down with drugs and shit forever. But where would he take him? No other city would be safe. Except Galbadia, but even that would be risky. Not the orphanage either, that was too obvious. If they’d had Ragnarok, he’d go out in space. What a laughable thought. He made a frustrated growl and started pacing around in the apartment. Somewhere had to be safe and calm enough.

If he had a boat, they could go to that mysterious lab island. But he didn’t think Squall would appreciate it. He walked by Hyperion in all her grace and stopped. He snagged her up and placed her at his shoulder where she belonged.

When he started to tick the familiar weight against his shoulder, he calmed down. He had always been able to think better with the gunblade at hand. He guessed Lionheart had a similar value to Squall, but wasn’t sure. He glanced at the gunblade suitcase. He’d taken it in safekeeping the day after Squall had been placed down in the hospital. He knew that Shiva’s crystal lay in there to. Even if Squall never used that crystal. He usually had her in his head all the time, even if she wasn’t junctioned all the time. How Squall did it Seifer didn’t know. Personally, he hated the strange spirits. And he hated having them in his head even more since Ultimecia had been in it. He sighed.

He glanced at the suitcase again. Shumi village. The blade had been forged in Shumi village. That was why it didn’t break so easily. That had been a major problem with the fine gunblade. No one could ever copy the shumi tribe’s way of forging it and so the blade often broke after a while. Shumi village would be a safe place and he wanted to remember that the Elder had a fond heart for the Loire and Leonhart. He contemplated contacting the others, but rethought it. They would probably come help him but just to stop them placing Squall in that Hyne forsaken machine. No, they were on their own. Or… Seifer was on his own. He sighed but straightened.

With a place in mind everything would go smooth. It was just a matter of getting Squall out fast but silent.


To guard the President’s son was too much responsibility and it crept him out. He’d seen Leonhart in battle and Hyne could that one fight. The fact that the Garden commander obviously was sick and that he had a Boyfriend, just didn’t sit well with him. It didn’t sit well with him that that boyfriend was the Sorceress Knight either. Because that meant that when the boyfriend wasn’t allowed access he had to ward the boyfriend off. And one just didn’t start a fight with Seifer Almasy, ex-Sorceress Knight.

That’s why he and his fellow guard sat in the closet, bound by hands and feet and gagged. He sighed. Well. He rather took the fury of his President than the sharp edge of Hyperion.

Squall’s room was dark apart from some neon light in a corner. He had a backpack with necessary clothes and things, Lionheart and Hyperion at each hip and a blanket to wrap around the lightly clothed brunet.

“Squall.” He gently patted the pale chin and slowly wrapped him in the blanket that was thicker than his bed cover.

“Squall.” He slapped a bit harder and blue eyes fluttered and rolled.

“Come on baby. Open those eyes,” he begged. He guessed it was no good if Squall woke up during their escape and panicked for not knowing what was happening. Drug dazed eyes tried focus at him and after a while a smile of recognition spread at the thin lips.

“Seifer.” Squall almost whispered with a pleased little smile. Thin arms reached after him but Seifer took the cool hands and stared down in those blue eyes.

“Listen carefully Squall. We’re getting out of here and I’m going to carry you for a while. You need to be absolutely silent. Do you understand?” He said low but clear. Adrenaline was already pumping furiously inside of him. Squall blinked lazily, but nodded at last. He was still while Seifer scooped him up. Squall circled his arms around Seifer’s neck and sighed against him.

Seifer guessed he had something to thank those drugs for. He had kind of counted on them keeping Squall dazed and languid. He had counted on Squall not being able to walk, so he had pre-ordered a rental car downtown. It was certainly a couple of miles walking there but he thought he could make it as long as he didn’t encounter problems in the form of soldiers or stuff. Or a screaming, fighting Squall.

There was one more guard he had to pass before getting to the emergency staircase. Fortunately the guard system here wasn’t made to keep away mercenaries. The guards went about their patrols at certain times and always the same way. It was a matter of patience and already done research.

He thought Squall went back to sleep somewhere at the third stair. When he pushed open the doors and the cool night air hit the bundle in his arms the bundle whimpered and curled up tighter in his arms.

The emergency staircase he had used opened up at the bottom of Esthar’s city. Esthar was built in three sections he had found out. First the ground sections where parts actually was a bit run down and where questionable things were being done. Here no one really was as friendly as on the upper levels and no one asked questions if you made an impression of being unfriendly.

The second level was where the rest of the people lived. Those naïve people that thought everything was good and great in the world. The third level was the traffic level. Simple as that.

Squall woke up somewhere at half the way to the car rental. But he laid still and blinked at his surroundings with big, blue, uncomprehending eyes. From time to time he would whine in the bottom of his throat and hold a little harder.

Seifer thanked Hyne when he saw the car rental. His arms and back had started to ache. It was open and only a grim looking manager sat in the office. In the garage a gray, rusty thing called a car stood. Well, he had asked for one. When he stopped outside the man came out. He didn’t reach Seifer to his shoulders but was probably twice Seifer’s width.

“Leon I assume?” He muttered and Seifer nodded. He was handed a key and the man eyed Squall, who just stared back, big eyed and confused.

When he opened the back seat door and let Squall down, the brunet didn’t want to let him go. He stroked the slightly shivering back.

“It’s okay lovely. I won’t leave you.” He assured. For a while he thought he would be forced to use a sleep, as he had predicted could come to use, but then Squall very slowly let go. He let Seifer help him in and laid down like a scared child when Seifer closed the door. The man had watched them the entire time and Seifer didn’t like the look in those eyes. The look of recognition. He handed him a fat bundle of gil.

“Some love sick teenagers rented the car to have a romantic sunrise.” He said and meet the mans eyes. The man first counted the gil and then nodded with a satisfied smile. Seifer got in and exhaled before driving away.

In the back, Squall lay silent and only watched him, even if the drug still ought to be riding his system. The ride out of town was smooth and without problems. As the ride over the plains away to the train station.

There were only trains in the middle of the day two times back and forth. So all he had to do was open the gates down to the track and he could drive the whole way to Galbadia. Once in Galbadia he would change cars in Timber and then continue to Dollet. There he could have the chance of catching Raijin and Fuujin and get a ride to Shumi village. If he was lucky. If Esthar’s president didn’t send the searches to other countries. If the president didn’t contact the Gardens. If Raijin and Fuujin were in harbor and not out at a month long fishing trip. If Squall behaved. If, if, if…

He sighed.
In the back seat small snoring voices came and he smiled. At leased he had Squall safely with him. Somehow he knew he was right and that everything would be okay again. It just… needed some time… Surely…

Continue ~ Reveiw