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Lovers Trust
Start of June 2005

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[Seifer]
The first thing he noticed when waking up, was that Squall was gone. Really, it wasn’t that surprising. Squall had always been an early riser while every other sane person (even Quistis) didn’t wake up properly before lunch. What got him worried was that Squall seemed to avoid him.

Seifer got a fast glimpse of the youth in the cafeteria before Squall sort of hightailed out of there. They meet when Seifer was on his way out of the training centre and Squall on his way in, but the commander just darted his eyes elsewhere and fled into the facility.

Seifer cursed under his breath as he was denied entrance to the B. Gardens offices. What was this? Why didn’t Squall want to talk to him? Frowning much like his… lover(?), Seifer turned back down the elevator stair and decided to do what he always did when he was irritated. Walk it off outside the Garden. He’d learned that his temper was an own living thing and had resented to not being able to control it at all times.

So instead of risking blowing up at some poor human creature called, cadet he went outside and strolled the Balamb beach or whatever. Was this the result of yesterday? Did Squall avoid him now just because Seifer had made him feel good without making the head-case bleed? He snorted and kicked an innocent stone.

It jumped at a bigger stone to then flip down the cliff side and disappear in the ocean.

He would go crazy by trying to figure out the brunet. Was they lovers as in the word? Sure, Squall could cuddle when he was tired and didn’t have any resistance left, especially after he had been thoroughly fucked. They lived in the same quarter, they slept in the same bed, they could talk about ordinary things without starting a fight and they could, believe it or not, work together in a team. But was they lovers?

Were they a real couple? Something made Seifer just feel like… someone. There was something invisible keeping him from the core of Squall. Of course, he knew it was whatever traumatizing event that had been forced upon the youth that made Squall as he was now, but still he thought it should have gone enough time and they should have been together long enough for the bastard to start trusting him. Not as in “trust” in the battle field, but that emotional trust. He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets, staring out over the ocean.

He wasn’t a shrink. Everything he’d done up until now was by instinct. He was sure that if he just could get Squall to talk about what had happened everything would be okay again. Squall was strong-minded even if some people just thought he hid behind orders and rule books. You just needed to find the right buttons to push and the lion would roar, oblivious to orders and rules. Seifer smirked at the memory. How they had bickered and fought before the war.

“How come you always disturb me when I want to be alone?” Seifer growled and Irvine chuckled, stepping up beside him.

Exeter was hoisted over his shoulder and the cowboy had tugged his hat low at his head to keep it from flying away. Both their coats were flapping in the strong sea breeze.

“Well… Selphie thought I ought to not let you brood alone like our commander,” he smiled lazily and Seifer snorted.

“You ought to mind your own business,” he growled but hadn’t any heat behind it and Irvine only chuckled, knowing Seifer didn’t mean anything about it.

Somehow he had a very hard time being angry at the cowboy. It was just impossible. It could be because they had been like twins as children. Always making pranks together or spying at the girls. Irvine had never picked on either Zell or Squall together with him though. The cowboy sighed and looked down at his boots for awhile before looking up.

“You do know Squall has taken off to Esthar?” he said very careful and Seifer could just blink at him. Taken off to Esthar? Why? When?

“Did you two fight?” Irvine wondered, almost reading the questions in the blond’s eyes.

Seifer still just stared at the violet eyed man. Had Squall… fled? Had it been that uncomfortable to feel pleasure without being “punished”? Or maybe he’d just gone to visit his father? Without telling anyone… A couple of fingers snapped before his eyes and he jumped, glaring at Irvine.

“You okay? He hadn’t told you anything?” Seifer just shock his head.

“Did you two fight?” Irvine asked again and Seifer frowned at him.

“No,” he turned around and headed back to garden.

What made Squall think he could just run away like that? Why couldn’t the frustrating asshole just come and talk to him!? Without Seifer noticing, he had started to storm back to their shared room with Irvine tailing his steps.

The room was dark, cold and silent. There wasn’t even a note about him leaving or why. Hell! It was almost impossible to find traces of him packing! Seifer turned to Irvine that arched an eyebrow.

“How’d you know?” he growled.

“Squall told Selphie,” the sniper explained and something stalled in Seifer.

Why couldn’t Squall just tell him he wanted some time alone? Seifer had given him that before when he’d asked for it! Why! His infamous temper started to get the better if him as he took out his own bag and threw down the most important stuffs.

“Hey, hey! Seifer? What’re you doing?” Irvine wondered with a tone of panic.

“What’s it looking like?” he growled and zipped up the bag, ready to leave. Irvine stood in his way.

“Just, cool it down a sec buddy. You said you didn’t fight, right? Maybe Laguna just needed to see him in person?” Irvine mused aloud and Seifer glared at him. Yeah, maybe he was right, but it didn’t feel like it.

“Or did something happen?” Irvine wondered and they feel silent.

How was Seifer to explain? Somehow it had felt as if he’d been violating Squall yesterday. Even more so than all the times he’d hurt him. The blond knew he probably wasn’t right, but he couldn’t rub off the feeling that he’d been raping Squall yesterday. Was it because he’d done something Squall had said he didn’t want? Or just that he knew the brunet didn’t want it gentle and coaxing? He sighed. This made him feel sick and confused. Irvine only blinked at him when he’d tried to explain.

“Well…” He said slowly and Seifer arched an eyebrow.

“We’re coming with you,” he said with a nod and disappeared out to find Selphie. Seifer only stood staring after him.

******

He’d never really liked Esthar. It was too much strange colours and even stranger people. It was like this dream place. Nothing was dirty or foul smelling. No one seemed to know what crime was and the whole thing made Seifer feel uneasy and disgusted. It was this idyll, slimy feeling over the whole place, but he didn’t say anything about his thoughts. Maybe he was just as fucked up as Squall if he couldn’t live or believe in a world without violence?

Even after three hours train ride and two hours waiting for trains and walking over monstrous plains, he still hadn’t gotten an explanation to why the happy couple had tagged along. Selphie jumped at her seat as the strange couch like flying-sailing-tube-elevator took them through the city to the palace. Somehow Selphie had contact with the young looking president and they had been welcomed up to the palace as if they were long lost cousins coming over to a little barrack in the middle of nowhere.

Seifer had just sneered at the whole thought. He’d never really meet Squall’s supposed father and had a hard time taking the guy serious. He just wanted to find his run away kitten and ask him what was wrong. He was not ready to just give up all work he’d done just because Squall was afraid of a little comfort!

He’d seen the palace at a distance before. Up close, it was actually impressive. Even more so when they took the elevators up. They didn’t take the car elevator, that the gang had done before, but the smaller and much more human appreciated things. Selphie was all hyper and Seifer silently wondered what Zell would be like if he was here and liked being there as much as the little brunette.

He found himself slowly easing down when they got to their quarters. The whole gang had their own rooms here and, believe it or not, Squall’s room wasn’t locked. When he found the commanders bag and the suitcase for Lionheart, he could take a much needed breath. At least Squall was here and Seifer would track him down and ask him what the hell was going on.

Of course he may be overreacting to small things. That feeling of abusing Squall was probably just his imagination and maybe Laguna needed urgent help or had some urgent “family issues”. Squall maybe hadn’t gotten the time telling him and so on and so on.

“You cooled down?” Seifer glanced at the cowboy that was leaning at the doorframe to the bedroom where Seifer was.

Seifer let go of on of Squall’s shirts he’d been holding and walked out, dragging Irvine with him.

“Yeah.” He answered as they exited the chamber. Selphie was outside and she had this really strange worried expression. She tilted her head just slightly.

“Don’t worry so much Seifer. I mean… If you two didn’t had a fight it can’t be anything bad can it? And if Squall just tried to get away you obviously have done some progress,” she smiled and Seifer stared at her.

He hadn’t been thinking like that. Like he would have done some mayor impact on the other.

“Well. Come on! You have to meet Laguna!” she squealed and took them both in hand and dragged them along.

****

After having dinner with Esthar’s President, Seifer had a whole list on things that said Squall and Laguna had nothing in common. First of all, Laguna talked, he smiled and he laughed! Secondly, neither hair nor eye colour matched and Laguna was a few inches taller if Seifer judged right. This person was so much the opposite of his little lion that Seifer over and over again had to look for the similarities.

Above the DNA match there where some small things a trained eye could catch. It was something in Laguna’s face that Squall also had. Maybe the cheekbones or the lips or how the eyes were placed. Then it was Laguna’s hands. Squall too had as long fingers and sort of round palm. Their bodies resembled each other too. Same long leg but strangely good proportions anyway. Smooth moves and a slime figure. Now, Squall was much younger and very well trained, but Seifer was almost sure that if they had been in the same age, Squall and Laguna would have been just as fit.

“I’ve heard you’re my son’s boyfriend,” Laguna smiled at him and Seifer could only do so much to not choke on the bit of food he just put in his mouth.

The other four had gone completely silent and seemed to count the seconds. Seifer could feel a slight heat rose in his face and he shifted in his seat.

“Yes,” he answered even if his voice had a strain.

It wasn’t that he was ashamed over the relationship. He really didn’t give a shit about what anyone else said and he wasn’t gay. He just liked Squall. Laguna nodded.

“He has been talking a lot about you but, mind you, he hasn’t told me what relationship you two had,” Seifer could feel the colour drain from his face and his heart make a stop.

Squall hadn’t told..? But..? Had he just said something to someone important to Squall that Squall didn’t even wanted to voice between them in their bedroom? Laguna laughed softly, but Seifer just glared at him.

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell him that I know it’s just that…” Laguna scratched his head and saw something in the distance.

“I don’t care if his homosexual but I was just slightly worried about his choosing of partner,” Laguna softly explained and smiled just as softly.

Seifer let go of the breath he had been holding. What did you say to that? He took a sip of the Estharian wine to get some time. The others also seemed to ease down.

“Actually… it was we who set them up,” Selphie said quietly with a little smile. Laguna seemed amused of that.

“Really? Why?” Selphie opened her mouth but shut it.

The three youths looked at each other, Seifer’s heart yet again making a temporarily stop in his chest. Well, that’s what you get when you open your big mouth. He really started to understand why Squall kept quiet so much as he did. Seifer usually knew what to say in all situations. He either made some smart remark or just sneered or actually said something intelligent. Right now… What? “O, hey, your son’s a psycho that gets a kick out of pain and I’m the only one capable of hurting him.” That didn’t sound right, did it? Irvine hawked and crossed his ankles.

“Squall needed something more stable than Rinoa after the war,” Irvine said slowly and Seifer could have kissed him for taking on the challenge of explaining.

For awhile Laguna only stared totally expressionless on the sniper. Seifer shivered when he again saw an expression Squall had gained from is father. But that expression Squall often had when he knew you weren’t telling the whole truth or no truth at all.

“Oh,” was all the president said after awhile and sipped his own wine.

Seifer didn’t know about the other two, but he deeply exhaled. Before the silence could shatter by next embarrassing question a servant interrupted.

“Mr. Almasy? Sir Leonhart is back,” she said short and bowed before heading back out. Seifer quickly gathered himself.

“Thanks for the dinner… Mr. President,” he said awkward and Laguna waved it of.

“Just Laguna,” Seifer nodded at it and then gave the love couple a nod before heading out.

Hyne, that was straining. He rather battle ten red dragons than face another dinner with Laguna Loire again. At least without Squall. He was sure Laguna wouldn’t be like that if his son was present. How could you just ask something like that about relationships? He should have asked Squall! Didn’t he know that? It’s like one of this inscribed laws that you ask your Son about his relationship! Or at least Seifer thought so.

All his anger and worry and frustration were blown by the wind when he stopped in front of Squall’s door. What right had he to know every one of Squall’s steps? Maybe they weren’t even a couple? Not as Irvine and Selphie. Maybe Squall only wanted a fuck buddy so he didn’t need to deal with all issues a relationship came with?

Seifer swallowed. What did he want? The blond knew what he’d always dreamed about. That silly “romantic dream” of his. To be the One for someone. To take care and love someone else entirely. To be a part of a warm and lovely family or one of a couple. A little idiotic to seek up the planets living iceberg then? He snorted and then sighed.

What the hell. Just knock at the damn door!

He didn’t hear a sound from the other side so he knocked again. A couple of seconds later, Squall opened. Seifer thought he saw the vague expression of surprise in that pale face before it again became the stone face. They certainly stood there half a minute just staring at each other. He should say something. He was the one knocking at the door after all.

“Did daddy need help with his paperwork?” he asked and could kick himself for the sneer. Squall frowned very lightly and his grip at the door tightened.

“What are you doing here?” See? Stupid Almasy.

If he just had been a little smoother a little more careful, Squall hadn’t slammed up all his defensive walls with red sirens blaring around. Frustration surged up and with it came the anger. Seifer bit his tongue hard to not make anything worse.

“Well… You sort of took off without a note or something,” he explained as low and soft he could.

It came out more as a growl. Squall’s narrowing eyes told him he hadn’t gotten the voice right either.

“I tried to call you,” Squall said just as low, but with that ice Seifer hadn’t heard anyone else capable of forming.

It was just that iciness that made his blood bowl.

“Can I come in?” he asked without trying to form his voice.

Squall already knew he was pissed and it was no use trying to hide the fact. For a long while, Squall only glared at him. Like he could form some “Laser eye” and burn Seifer away. Fortunately, only Quistis and two more people had the famous “blue magic”.

Squall stepped away and Seifer went in. The brunet turned his back on the ex-knight as Seifer closed the door and they yet again stood in silence. The blond sighed. This was driving him crazy.

“What are you doing here? Did Laguna need some help or something?” he asked but it came no sound from Squall.

Seifer growled and gripped a taut shoulder to swirl the youth around. Squall did but knocked him away in the process, and he didn’t meet eye.

“I tried to call you,” Squall repeated.

Seifer should have been satisfied with that answer. He really should, considering who he was dealing with. To get an answer out of Squall was like trying to open a shell. The harder you banged at it, the harder it closed. Squall was much like it. You had to push him, but if you pushed just the slightest too hard, too fast or too much he would just clamp up and you couldn’t get a sound out of him for days. The worst part was that his tolerance changed with his mood. And being as blank as he was, Seifer was amazed he could read the brunet as good as he could.

“You’re not avoiding me then?” he sneered.

Squall didn’t look up at him anyway. Seifer made a frustrated noise. It was something here that wasn’t right. It felt as if he was holding sand, but his hands just couldn’t close around it.

“You avoided me in the training centre and in the cafeteria. Why? What I do this time?” he growled.

Squall still didn’t look up at him. A strange surge of adrenaline made him cool down almost to battle mode. Seifer inhaled and exhaled.

“What is it Squall? I don’t understand you if you don’t even look at me.” Still no response.

“Was it because I didn’t make you bleed?” he had almost expected the brunette to explode or something.

Squall glared up quickly at him before looking away. Seifer arched an eyebrow.

“That’s it, isn’t it? You’re moody just because I made you feel good without ripping you open?” he spit out.

“No.” Seifer thought he imagined things because it had been so low he’d almost not heard it.

“No? So why are you here then?” he asked lowly. Squall shifted his stance in distress and then glared up at Seifer.

“It doesn’t matter, dose it? I do what I want, you can’t expect me to tell you everything. You’re still only a lower ranking SeeD,” Squall said icy and as loud he did when he was disturbed or irritated, which was about a notch above normal speaking tone.

Seifer was out right puzzled. What? Was Squall on some secret mission? That thought almost made him laugh.

“Laguna wanted my opinion on something.” he said after awhile and looked away again. This only made Seifer a bit confused and annoyed.

“So what was all that in the cafeteria and training centre?” he asked low.

Squall didn’t look at him. Seifer leaned forward until he almost could force eye contact.

“Squall? Why did you avoid me?”

Squall kept staring at the ground like some sulking child. Seifer slowly smiled. Was Selphie right? Had he really, after so much time and hard work, reached something in the other youth? If the brunette didn’t want to use verbal means…

The blond leaned forward even more and lightly gripped the youth’s crossed arms. He nibbled at an ear and nuzzled lower down the pale neck. But his foreplay wasn’t allowed for long before Squall made some half noise and squirmed away.

“We talk tomorrow Seifer. I’m tired,” he murmured.

“Right,” the taller gunblader acknowledged, but yet again tried to come closer to the inspiring youth.

Squall again squirmed away from him. Seifer clenched his teeth in irritation and frustration. For a split second he thought about just forcing the brunette the way Squall wanted it. So often had just this situation appeared. But it was small almost invisible differences between a Squall that really didn’t want to and a Squall that only wanted to be forced. Seifer sighed.

“Right,” he said again and turned around.

He wasn’t even going to ask if they at least could share the bedroom. They had two own rooms, why not use it? But in the big darkness of his chamber Seifer couldn’t even gain a glimpse of sleep. What if Squall really just wanted a fuck buddy and Seifer had gone too far?


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