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Lovers Trust
Start of June 2005

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10

[Seifer]
They weren’t walking any further that day, but made a camp by the oasis. Squall had been exhausted and had actually fallen asleep the moment he’d gotten to settle down alongside Seifer.

The day had hardly begun yet and Seifer was standing at the edge of the oasis. Far away enough for him to not wake Squall with his cursing and close enough to not let Squall out of his sight. In his left hand, the ice-blue crystal of Shiva vibrated. He looked down at it.

He could feel her, not just in his palm, but around his head to. She was waiting outside his “gates”. He could feel her power. Squall had really grown her strong in this world. What Seifer understood the GFs lived in their own dimension and could be called here by a summoning.

In a summoning, they took their summoner’s place and rode their life force to this world. For the GF to grow strength in this world, you needed a strong and good caretaker. That was what they were. Caretakers. The stronger the GFs got, the more influence they had.

Seifer had heard wicked stories about GFs that had taken form in their caretaker’s body, and human and GF had become a mixed being. Other GFs had succeeding in taking permanent form in this world. Bahamut was one of those as Ifrit. But both were, of course, weaker than they had been when they started the magic process that gave them form in this world. They had both chosen to help a caretaker, but they could easily take permanent form again without loosing any strength.

Seifer sighed, closed his eyes and clenched his fist around the cold object. He needed her magic. They were certainly not as well matched as she and Squall, but Seifer didn’t think she would reject him. She was, after all, swirling around outside his mind, waiting for him to junction her. For Squall. He needed her magic.

It was a long time since he had last opened up for a GF. It felt like forcing up a rusty door that creaked and protested. Then she came. In a cold, blue light. Not fast, not slow, not gentle, not harsh. Just a stream of power and energy. It felt like he was drowning and flying, getting cold and warm. And then she junctioned and gave all his magic stocks meaning. And he couldn’t breathe.

The incredible rush of power drowned him. He swelled in himself. His body started to ache and itch as if the energies and strength and speed didn’t have enough room inside of him. He was flying at heights he had never felt, not even when Ultimecia for the first time junctioned to him. Or when Ifrit had. This… this was power. And ice cold.

He found himself lay twitching and gasping on the ground. He was so cold that his breath came out as an ice-cold cloud. She moved around in him. Searching him, reading him, making herself a place inside of him like a content cat on a sun-warm stone. He couldn’t see, it was all blurry and black in front of his eyes. In a surge of fear and panic, he lashed out against her, trying to push her out of his mind, but she wouldn’t budge. She only narrowed her eyes like his lover did and hissed, clinging to him.

: : Out! : : He screamed but she only hissed again.

: : Hush, child! : : She said harsh and he whimpered and felt like a spoiled brat under her gaze. He lay trembling and shaking in his own mind, remembering too well how Ultimecia had hurt him in so many ways. Shiva’s shadow descended upon him and he closed his eyes in flesh and mind, waiting for excruciating pain to inflame his body and soul. The cool caresses of almost physical hands made him snap open his eyes and hold his breath in surprise.

Shiva was humming something like a lullaby and her cool spirit sort of stroked him, calmed him. He didn’t know GFs could do that. Ifrit had never done anything like it. They had exchanged words in Seifer’s head, but he had never felt anything like touches. Shiva continued to stroke his damaged soul, humming that song Seifer knew but couldn’t place.

Then she slowly withdrew from him and settled back in the place she had made as her own in his head. He straightened himself inside and returned the attention. He could touch her without getting hurt, he could move around at her magic settings without she getting angry. She was a GF, not a crazy sorceress. Slowly he got used to having her there. Like getting used to a new flavor in the candy. At least his mind slowly started to accept it.

: : That’s all right, child : : She hummed to him and he knew he was frowning.

: : Don’t call me child : : He growled and he could feel her smiling.

: : You are a child just like he : : She smiled and referred to Squall. Did Squall really let her call him child? Seifer didn’t believe it, but on the other hand he didn’t knew this GF and she was Squall’s one and only.

: : Whatever : : He grumbled and she laughed. Like icicles hitting against each other. He flinched at that. But she subsided down in him and became almost invisible.

Slowly, he opened his eyes. He felt sick and wonderful at the same time. When he tried to move, he felt his limbs gently trembling and his head just rolled around. Hyne. How could Squall bear this thing inside of him? And he had stronger magic’s than Seifer at his disposal. Which meant stronger junctions.

: : We have grown into each other : :
Seifer certainly jumped three feet at that.

“Holy fucking Hyne! Don’t fucking do that!” He roared and Shiva snickered softly. He got up to a sitting position and shook his head. Okay. Make the trip to Dollet as fast as fucking possible and disjunction this thing. A shadow fell over him and he looked up. Squall was standing there, a little unsteady and with a worried expression.

“Seifer?” he wondered and with the power of will, Seifer got to his feet.

“Yes, love?” he asked a little croaky. Squall chewed at his bottom lip and looked like he was really be trying to grasp something. He held one hand a little bit out in front of him like he was starting to stretch after Seifer but stopped there.

“You okay?” he whispered finally and Seifer smiled.

“Yeah, I’m all right. You up for a walk again?” he wondered and smiled. It felt like he almost had the real Squall in front of him. After a little more hard thinking, Squall smiled his small but genuine smile. “Yeah.”

*****

Without any monsters coming at them Squall almost seemed normal. Almost. He’d tried calling Seifer “Master” a couple of times and after agitated and sob streaked discussions he had called Seifer simply “Seifer” after that.

Like a little child he had shyly kept a few steps behind Seifer in the beginning. But after repeating calm encouraging words, and a few water and food offers, Squall had walked up beside him. Now he was holding Seifer’s hand and smiling softly.

For the first time in a too Hyne damned long time, Seifer felt like kissing him. Caressing him. Would he be allowed to? And if he was allowed to, would it be like before? Would Squall want it just as harsh and hurtful? Or was he even in the sense of making that judgment?

Squall seemed so calm and at peace that Seifer thought it really was turning, but he also knew that not even the Squall before the war was like this. That Squall had been timid and antisocial and maybe a bit… shy?

But it was so tempting to brush away those chocolate colored bangs and kiss those full lips. He tore his gaze away from the tempting youth and looked at the horizon instead. They weren’t making any speed but it was okay as long as they were moving. If Seifer counted right they had to sleep outside one more night and could then be in Dollet to the evening of the next day, if they were keeping this languid pace.

When the sun was setting Squall suddenly tripped and Seifer caught him even if it wasn’t necessary. Squall clung to him and brushed his face against Seifer’s chest.

“You okay, love?” he wondered, murmuring, and Squall nodded but kept holding him.

“Tired,” he whined a little. Seifer looked around. They weren’t far away from a group of trees.

“It’s all right. See there? We stop there for tonight,” he said and Squall nodded.

Squall was really tired, as before. Seifer guessed all that lying in the bed had taken its toll on him, and he hadn’t any enchanted powers from a GF, which he was used to having. And who knew what kind of turmoil was raging inside of his head, even if he was calm on the outside?

Even if Squall was tired, he didn’t lie down to sleep but sat there and tried following Seifer every time Seifer walked away to gather wood to a fire. It ended with Seifer wrapping him in Seifer’s trench coat and telling him that Seifer wasn’t going anywhere without it and Squall. He could feel Squall’s eyes following his every step. Seifer couldn’t decide whether it unnerved him or not.

When he got the fire starting and had given Squall some dried food he couldn’t do anything other than look at the brunet. Squall ate slowly. Sometimes stopping completely and just zoning off. Sometimes eating like a starving man and glancing to the sides. When he met Seifer’s gaze, he smiled and chewed, then started to zone off again.

Seifer sighed. Maybe he had been right about Squall needing to get away from Esthar, but would he be all right? Seifer didn’t know anything about this kind of things, he could just follow his instincts.

When Squall was finished he looked a little lost and started rocking at his knees. Seifer slowly, to not scare him, went over.

“Hey, you ought to sleep,” he said gently. Squall jumped violently and for a moment he just stared glazy-eyed at Seifer. His pupils shrunk, but his eyes went round and big. His lips thinned out and he went all pale. Seifer swallowed when he saw the typical signs of fear, terror. Slowly he kneeled down to one knee without advancing.

“Squall? Love?” he said as carefully he could. Squall continued to stare at him for a moment.

“Seifer?” he then whispered. Seifer nodded.

“Yeah. What’re the demons telling you this time?” The last he said was more of a whisper. Squall whined and started rocking back and forth. Seifer slowly stretched after him, not knowing if Squall wanted the contact or not. But Squall clutched to his hand and rubbed it against his cheek. Seifer exhaled and slowly, he scooped up Squall in his arms.

Squall curled up under his chin and clutched his shirt in both hands. He was trembling and Seifer’s slow strokes along his back didn’t seem to soothe him. Squall whined in his throat and licked Seifer’s neck and then his jaw.

“Squall? What’re you doing?” he asked softly and looked down. Squall licked his chin and shifted in his lap.

He straddled Seifer and rubbed groin against groin and nose against jaw. Seifer sat very still while Squall’s hands slowly caressed Seifer’s chest. The chilled hands slowly disappeared under Seifer’s shirt and played over his stomach and abdomen. Seifer swallowed and could only look at Squall when Squall unbuttoned Seifer’s trousers.

He ought to stop it. Squall was sick. He didn’t know what he did. Did he? What if this… sudden urge was one of his… whatever! Seifer groaned when Squall’s cold fingers grasped his member that already was hard and swollen. “Squall,” he moaned and gripped the slim hips.

Squall only coaxed out his member and slowly stroked it. Seifer groaned again. Hyne. It had been a long time ago. But it wasn’t right. Squall wasn’t well and they really shouldn’t do this. With the power of will, Seifer caught Squall’s clever hands and held them to his chest, panting. Squall looked hurt or confused at him. Seifer shook his head.

“No, love. Not now,” he breathed slowly. Squall bit his lower lip and whined very gently. He moved forward as to kiss Seifer but then leaned back, rocking and whining as if he didn’t understand.

“I’m not good, Master?” Seifer closed his eyes. It felt like something was cracking inside of him. He felt like crying. He had known it was something like this.

“You’re good, Squall,” he said lowly and suddenly felt really tired.

He so wanted to kiss and caress that white skin. He wanted to make Squall gasp and moan and shout in ecstasy. The worst part of it was that somewhere in his brain he thought it was okay. Soft sobs made him open his eyes again.

Squall was sobbing and tears rolled down his cheeks. His body was lightly shivering and his neck was bent. The sight made Seifer’s hard-on soften. In any other situation, the sight of a submissive Squall would have made him insane with lust. But this… this only made him tired and frustrated. He let go of Squall’s hands and Squall shrunk where he was seated. Like he was awaiting punishments.

“Squall.” Even with a soft voice Squall cringed and kept looking down.

Seifer placed a hand under Squall’s chin and made him look up. Squall still bit his bottom lip and the sobs seemed to intensify.

“Why are you crying, love?” he wondered softly. It made Squall look confused and whining added to the soft sobs.

“Master?” he asked faintly. Seifer clenched his teeth and fought against the frustrated rage surging up in him. Suddenly a cool whisper inside of him forced down his irritations. Seifer blinked several times before he understood it was Shiva that slowly stroked his raging soul.

: : Hush, child. The Lion is hurting : : She purred.

: : I know that! Keep out of it! : : He growled back. She only sighed.

: : Ask him about his former Master : : She almost whispered before drawing back again.

Ask about Squall’s former master? Like hell he would! This was insane and Squall needed to understand that! But obviously the sobbing, scared brunet didn’t. Seifer sighed and made Squall look at him again.

“Tell me about your former Master.” he asked softly and Squall blinked at him. It took awhile for Squall to gather himself and enough breath to start a sentence.

“He had brown hair with streaks of white,” he then whispered. Squall took his knuckles to his mouth as if he wanted to hinder the words.

Seifer blinked. What the…? He was actually talking? Seifer shifted a little and absent-mindedly stroked the small of Squall’s back.

“What were the color of his eyes?” he asked.

“Green,” Squall answered after a moment of thinking. His eyes zoned off as the sobs and tears.

“He had… big hands… and long arms. He was taller than me.” Squall swayed a little, but his voice was really steady.

“He smelled of peppermint and smoke.” One thin hand curled in Squall’s hair. Seifer buttoned his trousers again when it started to feel silly.

“He used to… give me sweet candy,” Squall smiled faintly at that.
“Liked the candy,” he said as an afterthought.

He looked at Seifer, but his eyes were dilated and far away from this world. He was still smiling faintly and curling his hair around one finger. He was rocking more too, but not in the aggravated, distressed way. It was really more a swaying, like he was listening to something. Seifer sighed deep, but he felt rather okay. He again cupped Squall’s chin and tried making him look at him.

“You’re tired, Squall. Come, lay down, you need to sleep,” he decided and Squall nodded.

“Liked the candy,” he informed again with that little smile.

“Yeah, you did huh?” Seifer answered absent-mindedly and placed Squall upon him like a child and then draped his trenchcoat over them. Squall contented curled up at him, but kept fiddling with his hair.

“Liked the candy,” he said again and Seifer sighed and looked up at the sky between the treetops.

In the back of his head Shiva was humming her lullaby.


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