THE MARS CHRONICLES
Behold the previous guest writers brilliant entries. Did they really work alone or were UFOs involved? We'll never know...

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Name: Vassil Bakalov - Thursday, February 13th 2003 - 07:54:41 PM
E-mail address: vdb010@aubg.bg
Homepage URL: http://www.aubg.bg/home/students/vdb010/site/index_fun.htm
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? these guys almost drowned i guess
What colour are you afraid of, and why? blue'n'red, esp. when they are flashing...
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? backwards. so I can leave faster after i hit a couple of dozen earthlings.
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? i'll be more relaxed to tell my boss: "bite me!"
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? Who shits more bananas - the monkeys or the guards of the zoo?
This week, I have been mostly listening to stupid pricks (also eminem)

Comments:
from a classified record of the NGUFOFP: "...in 1988, the so called Zereoki creatures (who usually go air-skiing on alpha-centaur), found out about Earth and made a ship of lithium carboxide with engine driven by kineso-magnetic wavebursts. They skewed the time, and also space (just a little), and made careo-balistic suits with extrapolated magnehillars to be able to breathe on Earth. 20 of their finest spacers arrived on July 17, 1989, and after a three months secret research of Earth sent the promised report about the presence of intelligent forms of life to the folks back home: "Fuck it!"


Name: Cheeky Monkey - Thursday, January 2nd 2003 - 06:41:33 PM
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? Let someone else worry about it:. use the valet service.
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? Do you want to go out for a drink sometime?
This week, I have been mostly listening to the lady in the radiator.

Comments:
XXX HARDCORE BRITNEY TEEN XXX!!! There! That should make your guestbook show up better in the search engines.


Name: somebody - Monday, December 2nd 2002 - 04:03:24 AM
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? they evolved into intelligent aliens, flew the Space Station into space and even now plot to enslave the earthlings from Jupiter
What colour are you afraid of, and why? bright yellow, it makes me think of bigbird from sesame street, that should explain everything.
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? What doors, they haven't rebuilt them since i tried that last week.
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? Unemployed, though i suppose turning into an orange is a good excuse for not doing my homework.
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? How do you know you aren't asleep and dreaming right now?
This week, I have been mostly listening to Farting. ( I should really cut down on the baked beans.)

Comments:
If a cat always lands on its feet and toast always lands butter side down tying a piece of toast to a cat and dropping it off a tall building should make it spin fast enough to rip a hole in space/time. (p.s. make sure the cat doesn't get hurt, i like them.)


Name: Tudor Keys - Monday, November 18th 2002 - 05:59:48 PM
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? They staged a mutiny, and eventually settled on the Pitcairn Is
What colour are you afraid of, and why? Blue. The colour of my room and my mood. And a shite boy band.
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? Lie to it, and tell it that religion is somehow worth bothering with
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? Hmmm. A very Kafkaesque concept. And in true Kafka stylie, I dare say that my little job is so insignificant that no-one in the big conglomerate nightmare that I work will notice.
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? Why do you think this chapter has taken so long to appear?
This week, I have been mostly listening to The Smurfs' Slipknot tribute album.

Comments:
This is a local Guestbook, for local people.


Name: wim & sonja - Sunday, October 20th 2002 - 06:10:52 AM
Homepage URL: http://www.geocities.com/velikovski_project/
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? did i answer that question before?
What colour are you afraid of, and why? yes
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? i drive a moped
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? not in the least
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? i did come here before i think?
This week, I have been mostly listening to myself


Name: wim - Sunday, October 20th 2002 - 05:23:38 AM
Homepage URL: http://www.geocities.com/velikovski_project/
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? they fermented, now the pasific is slowly cahnging into Ginneys
What colour are you afraid of, and why? yes
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? i have no car
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? not really
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? Why!
This week, I have been mostly listening to my wife.


Name: Spambo - Thursday, October 3rd 2002 - 05:38:58 PM
E-mail address: Snapple44@aol.com
Homepage URL: http://hometown.aol.com/snapple44
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? Good question...an even better one? What happened to Buck Rogers anyway?? Damn, I miss that show.
What colour are you afraid of, and why? Vomit Orange. No particular reason why.
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? Bad joke. I didn't even crack a smile...sorry.
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? Yes, I would end up in a Smoothie
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? Check out MY guestbook..it'll give you some ideas ;)
This week, I have been mostly listening to The Singlesô Soundtrack

Comments:
The mission of my boredom today has been to find a decent guestbook. Congratulations! This is the first decent one I've found...now go and sign mine :D


Name: Cosmo Kramer - Monday, May 20th 2002 - 07:08:20 AM
E-mail address: taya0001@unf.edu
Homepage URL: http://www.unf.edu/~taya0001
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? Interdemensional space/time vortex was created upon re-entery and the bacteria traveled backwords in time to the beginning to the solar systems creation. All live on earth for the first billion years evolved with russian accents
What colour are you afraid of, and why? beige- the color of the universe.. cause the universe is a scare place to be
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? I cant even get my car to go into confession... making it get up early on a sunday would be hell
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? Depends if i turned into a cucumber or a melon
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? why ask why
This week, I have been mostly listening to DC Talk & 311

Comments:
dont drink sour milk


Name: Ed - Sunday, May 19th 2002 - 01:01:23 PM
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? After a thrilling journey, a select group of entrepreneurial streptococci are now planning to introduce
What colour are you afraid of, and why? Ochre. If only that it reminds me of that piss-poor rhyme in 'Livin' La Vida Loca?. Or of Ricky Martin generally, for that matter.
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? Go down on one knee and swear undying love to it. (...OR: Make sure it was a broad church. OR: Show it the video of 'Christine' the night before, to remind it what happens when good cars go bad.)
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? Not unless my boss was homophobic.
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? ''What question do you think I should ask instead of 'What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter' in the next chapter''
This week, I have been mostly listening to the sound of 5000000000000000000000000000 microbes simultaneously going 'Wheeeeeeeee!!'

Comments:
To the earlier correspondent. If the spelling of 'Colour' is 'archaic' and 'obsolete', then I guess that evaluation must apply to those of us who speak non-American English too. Now, I know us Brits, for example, can come across as a bit crusty sometimes. Perhaps even archaic in extreme cases (I'm thinking high court judges, the House of Lords, The Royal Family, etc., etc., here). But 'obsolete' Surely not. If that were the case then, forced out of our jobs, all we'll have to do is sit around watching Jerry Springer all day, thus observing the kind of specimens who couldn't spell their name if allowed to copy it from their name badge. Irony's a strange beast, ain't it?


Name: aleofjax - Saturday, May 18th 2002 - 08:32:52 AM
E-mail address: aleofjax@attbi.com
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? Well, the impact didn't kill them; bactiria are bouncy fellas. However, the sudden application of gravity made them too weak to move, so they sank to the bottom of the sea. They are still down there, multiplying rampantly and evolving into the next plague to wreak havoc on the world. Either that, or a fish ate it all.
What colour are you afraid of, and why? I fear orange. It's not a color at all, it's a citrus fruit. I swear! It somehow got a fake ID as Hue S. B. and suggled itself into the country and started a cult! The whole world is under it's influence now. Everyone seems to think it's a color! Gorlan, the actual name of the color between red and yellow, is now sitting in a gutter in Queens, fishing for dirty sock in the sewer and talking to itself. We're all under Orange's influence. Break free! BREAK FREE!!!
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? How did you know my Pastor is a mechanic? Don't let that get out, he'll be in serious trouble if anyone finds out he's been using the pulpit for a garage! And the Holy Water bowl is still stained from that oil change last week, we said it was a demon and got a lot of extra money when thr collection plate went around that week. I've said too much...
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? I'd probably be promoted. Middle management in my company seems to be comprised of mostly raisenets and turnbuckles, so being a fruit would give me a definite atvantage over them, politicaly. Think about it; have you ever truly respected and followed the directions of a raisenet? ... Don't answer that.
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? If you had six fingers on one hand, where would you hide the oatmeal?
This week, I have been mostly listening to The incomprehensible ramblings of my inner child. He won't leave me alone.

Comments:
Never pet a flaming dog.


Name: CydonianWolf - Thursday, May 2nd 2002 - 09:11:10 AM
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? Well, after having put up with shitbird Russian cosmonauts for 15 years, they've developed a taste for cheap vodka and have taken up writing Gaelic-to-Chinese dictionaries in the hopes that maybe I'll go somewhere with this entry...
What colour are you afraid of, and why? Colour? The last time I saw 'color' spelled that way was in a roster for the Salem witch trials. Yes, I have to say that I'm afraid of that archaic, obsolete spelling of 'color'.
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? First, I slaughter the goofy mother fucker who thinks it's funny to make a joke out of an ambiguous portrayal of the word 'service', then I buy a Honda or Toyota so that I don't have to worry about having the damn thing serviced until I have gray hair.
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? Hmmm, more ambiguity. Well, if was a fruit, I would only have two choices before me -- an apricot or Boy George. If I were Boy George, the second I walked into work, all the people would smell 1984 coming off me and proceed to end me. I'd probably be better off as the apricot.
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? Yes.
This week, I have been mostly listening to the high-pitched sonic serenity derived from squeezing my ass cheeks together and farting.

Comments:
I think, therefore I am. I think.


Name: dunya - Tuesday, April 2nd 2002 - 11:13:22 AM
E-mail address: russianblonde1@yahoo.com
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? the russians took over the world
What colour are you afraid of, and why? none
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? lol
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? nope
This week, I have been mostly listening to p.o.d.


Name: nasty - Monday, February 11th 2002 - 09:18:31 PM
E-mail address: martaineyebrow@hotmail.com
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? It infected every walrus
What colour are you afraid of, and why? red because it remends me of a woman's period.That really freaks me out.
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? I don't drive, I am a talking walrus from the pacific ocean.
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? yes. It's hard to type this when I'm a kiwi.
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? If you had only one hour to live would you have sex with a walrus?
This week, I have been mostly listening to the noises in my head.

Comments:
Free the walrus y'all.


Name: sangreal illumination...carnal desires - Tuesday, January 15th 2002 - 07:34:29 PM
E-mail address: sangrealdesires@aol.com
Homepage URL: http://www.aryanrevolution2002@freeservers.com
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? it mated with the dolphins
What colour are you afraid of, and why? white...i can't see elivs and bigfoot coming on the ufo
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? aren't the priest's pants down?
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? no,but if i was a cabbage... that'd be something!!!
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? are you sure you're human, and not a cabbage or something?
This week, I have been mostly listening to the corners... where the wall mates with the ceiling....they,re so lonely

Comments:
just wait elvis and bigfoot have the mothership on mars...they're just waiting on george clinton to fly it here whrn elvis comes back we'll all be free AMEN(tal)


Name: Brian - Wednesday, December 5th 2001 - 07:00:36 PM
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? I believe it was consumed by sperm whales, who by telepathic mind control, told Asama Bin Ladin to crash planes into american buildings.
What colour are you afraid of, and why? Purple. It's the color of Barney - Need I say more?
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? At full throttle, of course!
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? Since I work in construction, Yes. I'd probably be promoted!
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? If you could be invisible how would you use that power the most ?
This week, I have been mostly listening to Random scraping, pounding and other annoying mechanical noises.


Name: Wah Tze Tuya - Thursday, November 15th 2001 - 04:52:00 PM
E-mail address: imanut@crzy.nut
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? It's living in my back yard under all the rotting vegitation just waiting for the right moment to pounce on an unsuspecting world.
What colour are you afraid of, and why? Sand. It gets into my shoes and irritates the heck out of me.
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? I go to the drive thru church
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? Nah. Most of the people around here are vegetables so I would fit right in.
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? If you ar paddling upstream at 3 mph and the current is 4 mph then why don't you get out and walk?
This week, I have been mostly listening to The neighbors having sex.

Comments:
I must enjoy this site since here I am again. Let's go to Mars and pick up chicks!!! Go dammit go!


Name: Ditch - Sunday, September 16th 2001 - 03:13:44 AM
E-mail address: ditch@ditchbitchs.com
Homepage URL: http://funkymustard.com
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? There is no space station, thats just what "they" want you to believe. Thats why it supposedly splashed down in the middle of the pacific. No witnesses.
What colour are you afraid of, and why? Fluroscent colours (the 80`s were a bad, bad time for clothing)
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? I`m an alternative lifestyler. I dont believe in religion or conventional western treatments, when my car requires service or repairs I meditate, and send postitive thoughts to return the cars aurua back to a state of Kwan. Let us meditate hummmmmm...
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? No, but I have recently travelled to this country, so I may have to fumigate myself to prevent any insects on me from spreading, reproducing and eating crops of wheat in a circle formation, as is customary for insects to do where I come from..
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? Its not a question of what you should ask, its who you should ask, and why?
This week, I have been mostly listening to The CIA and NSA secret interplantery communications with spies on Jupiter.

Comments:
When tryign tpo pick up a member of the opposite sex, for a one night stand, remember these two pieces of useful advise, "Dont go out with a loaded weapon", and "He who hestitates, masterbates."


Name: Dustin Hofer - Thursday, September 13th 2001 - 04:58:52 PM
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? It mutated some shrimp and they're planning a global uprising sometime around Colombus Day
What colour are you afraid of, and why? Green, because it's not easy to be it(so I hear)
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? Personally, I find the window easier
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? It would actually improve it. I'm the guy in the suit on the Snapple commercials
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? "What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter?"
This week, I have been mostly listening to the sound of one hand clapping


Name: The Editor - Wednesday, August 29th 2001 - 04:30:56 AM
Homepage URL: http://marstraveller.cjb.net
What happened to the space bacteria aboard the Mir Space Station after the recent deorbiting and splashdown in the Pacific Ocean? It's evolving into a hyper-intelligent illegal alien that will be the spearhead of an invasion from Mars designed to enslave all of humanity and probe us with the outdated equipment we used to send there.
What colour are you afraid of, and why? I suffer from porphyrophobia, therefore I'm afraid of purple. By the way, did you know that purple is also a fruit?
When you take your car in for a service, how do you get it through the church doors? It demands speed and great precision.
Guest question from Gobelšng: If you were suddenly a fruit, would this have any affect on your job status? Yes, but only if I transformed into a purple and my boss suffered from porphyrophobia.
What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter? "What question do you think I should ask in the next chapter?"
This week, I have been mostly listening to voices in my head telling me to open the car door while driving on the freeway.

Comments:
My utter lack of a social life has resulted in this first entry.


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