Stones and dogs
Nasreddin Hodja had visited a town for some personal business. It was a frigid winter night when he arrived. On the way to the inn a vicious looking dog barked at him. Hodja bent down to pick up a stone from the street to throw at the animal. He could not lift it, for the stone was frozen to the earth.
- What a strange town this is! Hodja said to himself. They tie up the stones and let the dogs go free.

Hodja's head and feet
One hot day Hodja lost his donkey and went to market on foot. He was confused of the market's way and went around all day. Finally he went in an inn to rest himself and said.
- Please innkeeper, show me a bed!
When he got it he lied down himself to the bed and strech out his feet to the pillow. Innkeeper wondered and asked:
- But Hodja, you lied down reverse direction. You should take your head to the pillow!
- No, not at all, my feet are innocent. All my troubles I suffered at the hands of my head.

The recipe
One day Hodja went to the market and bought a fine piece of meat. On the way home he met a friend who gave him a special recipe for the meat. Hodja was very happy. But then, before he got home, a large crow stole the meat from Hodja's hands and flew off with it.
- You thief! Hodja angrily called after departing crow. You have stolen my meat! But you won't enjoy it; I've got the recipe!

Turning a lake into yogurt
One day people founded Hodja pouring the remains of his yogurt into Aksehir Lake.
- Hodja, what are you doing? A man asked.
- I am turning the lake into yogurt, Hodja replied.
- Can a little bit of yeast ferment the great lake? The man asked while others laughed at Hodja.
- You never know perhaps it might, Hodja replied, but what if it should!

Fee of a hamam visit
One day Hodja went to a hamam (Turkish bath) but as he was dressed so poorly, the attendants didn't pay much attention to him. They gave him only a scrap of soap, a rag for a loin cloth and an old towel.
When Hodja left, he gave each of the two attendants a gold coin. As he had not complained of their poor service, they were very surprised. They wondered had they treated him better whether he would have given them even a larger tip.
The next week, Hodja came again. This time, they treated him like royalty and gave him embroidered towels and a loin cloth of silk. After being massaged and perfumed, he left the bath, handing each attendant the smallest copper coin possible.
- This, said Hodja, is for the last visit. The gold coins were for today.

Theif in the hamam
One day Hodja went to a hamam (Turkish bath). In order, he took off his turban, fur coat, robe, scimitar (short curved sword), sash (belt, girdle), baggy trousers and his other clothes in the clothing room. He went in the bath section and came back when he finished his bath. When he began to get dressed, he noticed that his fur coat was missed. He got dressed his other clothes and told his problem to the hamam proprietor who listened him and said:
- I'm sorry Hodja, but I think that you are a forgetful old man and taking mistake. As yet, thieving and such kind of things are never ever happened here!
Although Hodja was not satisfied with this explanation, he went home with his sorrow. One month later, Hodja visit the hamam again. He took off his clothes, took a bath and came back to clothing room. His new fur coat and other clothes were untouched without his lovely turban. When he heard the same excuse from the hamam proprietor, he became both sorry and angry. But there was not to much to do, he went home with his sorrow, again. After every hamam visit, Hodja missed one of his clothes until the last time which was very remarkable. Actually there was no clothes att all to get dressed but he found his sash and scimitar at left. He dried his naked body with a towel, tied his sash (belt) to his naked waist, put his scimitar (sword) between his naked body and his sash. Whole body was not completely naked but he still needed some clothes to hide some particular part of his fat body. He went slowly to hamam proprietor's rum, pointed his sash and scimitar with his hands and said:
- Dear mister proprietor, I'm maybe an old man and maybe some forgetful, too. But for God's sake! Can you say that I came to the hamam like this?
And then he slowly left the hamam. He was neither sorry nor angry at this time. On the contrary, he got a smile on his face a long time.

Whatever you say
One day Tamerlane invited Hodja to his palace for dinner. The royal chef prepared, among others, a cabbage recipe for the occasion. After the dinner, Tamerlane asked,
- How did you like the cabbage?
- It was very delicious, complimented Hodja.
- I thought it tasted awful, said Tamerlane.
- You're right, added Hodja,it was very bland.
- But you just said it tasted delicious, Tamerlane noted.
- Yes, but I'm the servant of His Majesty, not of the cabbage, he replied.

Tamerlane's price - I
During a deep conversation with Tamerlane, Tamerlane demanded:
- Hodja you are, a learned and wise man. If I were a serf for sale, how much would you bid?
Of course, Hodja knows no cowardice nor shyness. First he pretended to ponder:
- If you ask me Hodja said, I would bid a hundred akche! (coin)
Tamerlane was furious with this answer:
- Only a hundred akche? Tamerlane said, you must be insane! Hodja, only my fur coat has value at least a hundred akche!
- You are right His Highness! said Hodja with customary slyness. In fact, it was the fur coat for which I made my bid.

Tamerlane's price - II
One day, Tamerlane and Hodja together take a trip
To a hamam where they start washing as soon as they strip.
While bathing, out of the clear blue, demands His Highness:
- If I were a serf for sale, how much would you bid?
Of course, Hodja knows no cowardice nor shyness:
First he pretends to ponder, then, with customary slyness:
- If you ask me he says, I would bid a hundred quid.
Tamerlane is : You must be insane!
- Out towel here alone is worth at least a hundred.
Hodja shakes with guffaws that he cannot restrain;
Then he bows and blandly says to Tamerlane:
- In fact, it was the towel for which I made my bid.

Written by Orhan Veli Kanik, translated by Talat Sait Halman (1982)

Hunting bears
Tamerlane enjoyed Hodja's company, and also liked to hunt, commanded him to accompany him on a bear hunt. Hodja was terrified.
When Hodja returned to his village, someone asked him:
- How did the hunt go?
- Marvelously.
- How many bears did you see?
- None.
- How could it have gone marvelously, then?
- When you are hunting bears, and when you are me, seeing no bears at all is a marvelous experience.

Your truth
Tamerlane was disturbed that his subjects were not telling the truth. How could this be corrected? He summoned all the sages he knew of and asked them all how to correct this difficulty. Each of them gave him very learned answers but each response was complicated and difficult to follow. Perhaps they were pouring from the empty into the void. Finally, Nasreddin Hodja appeared and explained to Tamerlane:
- Your majesty it is indeed posssible to understand absolute Truth but before one can understand absolute Truth one must first understand the relativity of Truth. Only after mastering the relativity of Truth can one approach an understanding of Absolute Truth.
Tamerlane exclaimed:
- That's too complicated and I have an easier answer. I will set the Palace Guard at the gate to the city and before anyone enters the captain will ask them one question. If they answer truthfully they may enter the city but if they do not he shall hang them on the gallows. In that way this city will come to only harbor those who are truthful.
The next morning Hodja was first in line at the city gate.
- Where are you going asked the captain of the guard.
- I am going to be hung on those gallows said Hodja.
- That can't be true said the Captain.
- Well, if it is not true than you will have to hang me said Hodja.
- But if I hang you then it will be true said the captain.
- Yes said Hodja, Your Truth.

Hodja meets a tourist (written by Stuart Alexander Rockefeller)
Nasreddin Hodja went on a pilgrimage to Mecca, and on the way he passed through Medina. As he was walking by the main mosque there, a rather confused-looking tourist approached him.
- Excuse me sir, he said, but you look like a native of these parts; can you tell me something about this mosque? It looks very old and important, but I've lost my guidebook.
Hodja, being too proud to admit that he, too, had no idea what it was, immediately began an enthusiastic explanation
- This is indeed a very old and special mosque. he declared, It was built by Alexander the Great to commemorate his conquest of Arabia.
The tourist was suitably impressed, but presently a look of doubt crossed his face.
- But how can that be? he asked, I'm sure that Alexander was a Greek or something, not a Muslim. . . Wasn't he?
- I can see that you know something of these matters. replied Hodja with chagrin, In fact, Alexander was so impressed at his good fortune in war that he converted to Islam in order to show his gratitude to God.
- Oh, wow. said the tourist, then paused. Hey, but surely there was no such thing as Islam in Alexander's time?
- An excellent point! It is truly gratifying to meet an english man who understands our history so well, answered Hodja. As a matter of fact, he was so overwhelmed by the generosity God had shown him that as soon as the fighting was over he began a new religion, and became the founder of Islam.
The tourist looked at the mosque with new respect, but before Hodja could quietly slip into the passing crowd, another problem occurred to him.
- But wasn't the founder of Islam named Mohammed? I mean, that's what it said in the newspaper; at least I'm sure it wasn't Alexander.
- I can see that you are a scholar of some learning, said Hodja, I was just getting to that. Alexander felt that he could properly dedicate himself to his new life as a prophet only by adopting a new identity. So, he gave up his old name and for the rest of his life called himself Mohammed.
- Really? wondered the tourist, That's amazing! But...but I thought that Alexander the Great lived a long time before Mohammed? Is that right?
- Certainly not! answered Hodja, You're thinking of a different Alexander the Great. I'm talking about the one named Mohammed.

Hodja and zurna
One day Hodja wished to learn playing zurna (a kind off shrill pipe) and visited a zurna player.
- How much does it cost to learn playing zurna? asked Hodja.
- Tre hundred akche (coin) for the first lesson and one hundred akche for the next lessons, asked zurna player.
- It sounds good, replied Hodja. We may start with second lesson. I was a shepherd when I was a young boy, so I already had some whistle experiences. It must be good enough for first lesson, isn't it?

Shopping
One day Hodja went to market to buy new clothes. First he tested a pair of trousers. He didn't like the trousers and he gave back them to the shopkeeper. Then he tried a robe which had same price as the trousers. Hodja was pleased with the robe and he left the shop. Before he climbed on the donkey to ride home he stopped by the shopkeeper and the shop-assistant.
- You didn't pay for the robe, said the shopkeeper.
- But I gave you the trousers instead of the robe, isn't it?replied Hodja.
- Yes, but you didn't pay for the trousers, either! said the shopkeeper.
- But I didn't buy the trousers, replied Hodja. I am not so stupid to pay for something which I newer bought.

Insallah (If God wills)
Once Hodja bought some material, took it to a tailor and said:
- Measure me and make me a shirt out of this material as soon as possible!
The tailor measured him and said:
- I am very busy, but your shirt will be ready on Friday, Insallah (if God wills)
Hodja returned on Friday but the tailor said:
- I'm sorry but your shirt is not finished. Come back on Monday and, Insallah, it will be ready.
Hodja come again on Monday but it still wasn't ready.
- Try again on Thursday and, Insallah, it will be ready, replied the tailor.
- How long will it take if you leave, Insallah, out of it?

Sharing the fishes (by Nicola Masciandaro, Italian-Hodja Literature)
Once a renowned philospher and moralist was travelling through Nasreddin Hodja's town, Aksehir when he asked him where there was a good place to eat. Hodja suggested a place and the scholar, hungry for conversation, invited Hodja to join him. Much obliged, Hodja accompanied the scholar to a nearby restaurant, where they asked the waiter about the special of the day.
- Fish! Fresh Fish! replied the waiter.
- Bring us two, they answered.
A few minutes later, the waiter brought out a large platter with two cooked fish on it, one of which was quite a bit smaller than the other. Without hesitating, Hodja took the larger of the fish and put in on his plate. The scholar, giving Hodja a look of intense disbelief, proceed to tell him that what he did was not only blatantly selfish, but that it violated the principles of almost every known moral, religious, and ethical system. Hodja calmly listened to the philosopher's extempore lecture patiently, and when he had finally exhausted his resources, Hodja said,
- Well, Sir, what would you have done?
- I, being a conscientious human, would have taken the smaller fish for myself.
- And here you are, Hodja said, and placed the smaller fish on the gentleman's plate.

Sharing the baklava
(Baklava is a dessert, a sweet pastry which tastes very nice with pistachio nuts.
A learned foreign scientist came to Aksehir and said he wanted to challenge the wits of the most knowledgeable person in the city. And of course, the townsfolk called for our Hodja.
When Hodja arrived, the scientist drew a circle in the sand with a stick. Hodja frowned, took the stick, and divided the circle in two.
The scientist then drew another line through the circle that divided it into four equal parts. Hodja pretended to gather three parts toward himself and to push the remaining part toward the scientist.
The scientist then raised his arm above his head, and wiggling his extended fingers, he slowly lowered his hand to the ground. Hodja did exactly the same thing but in the opposite direction, moving his hand from the ground to a height above his head.
And, that completed the scientist's tests, which he explained privately to the city council.
- Your Hodja is very clever man, he began, I showed him that the world is round and he confirmed it but indicated that 'it also has an equator'. And when I divided the world into 4 parts, he indicated that it is '3 parts water and 1 part land', which I can't deny. Finally, I asked what is the origin of rain? He answered quite rightly that 'water rises as steam to the sky, makes cloud, and later returns to earth as rain.'
When they got him alone, the ordinary townsfolk asked the Hodja what the challenge was all about? Hodja said,
- Well, that other fellow first asked, 'Suppose we have this round tray of baklava? So, I said, 'You can't eat it all by yourself, you know. So, I'll take half.' Then he got a little rude, saying, 'What will you do if I cut it into 4 parts?' That upset me, so I said, 'In that case, I'll take three of the parts and only leave you one!' That softened him up, I think, because then, with the motion of his hand, he said, 'Well, I suppose I could add some pistachio nuts on top of the baklava.' I cooled down too and said, 'That's fine with me, but you'll need to cook it under full flame, because an ash fire just won't be hot enough'. When I said that, he knew I was right, and gave up the game.