Dear Signore Direttore,
Now I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at your hotella.
I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a younga christian
man at your hotella. When I comma in my room, I see there is no shit in my bed.
How can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla down to receptione and tella.
"I wanta shit."
They tella me: "Go to toilet."
I say: "No, I wanta shit in my bed."
They say: "You better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch!"
What is sonna-wa-bitch?
Next morning I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga
and two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress and
point at toast: "I wanta piss."
She tella me: "Go to toilet."
I say: "No, I wanta piss on my plate."
She then tella me: "You'd bloody wella not piss on your plate, you sonna-wa-bitch!"
That is the second person who does not even know me calla me 'sonna-wa-bitch'. And why is
your staff replying 'Go to toilet'? Is that a modern tella? I do not understand.
Please tella me.
Later I go for dinner into restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella
waitress: "I wanta fock."
And she tella me: "Sure, everyone wanta fock."
I tella her: "No, you don't understand. I wanta fock on the table."
She tella me: "So, you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your ass
out of here!"
How comma this christian hotell tella the guest in such bed manner?
So, I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotella ho more.
When I have paid the a-billa, the portier say to me: "Thank you, and piss on you."
I say: "Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-bitch. I now go back to Italy."
Direttore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch.
Sincerely,
Dicci Elgré