This is a list of in-game quotes found in the pinball machine Medieval Madness.



Starting a game:

Merlin: "It´s a great day for jousting!"
Merlin: "I am Merlin, wise and old. Listen up to what you´re told!"
The King of Payne: "I am the King of Payne, welcome to my empire!"
The King of Payne: "I am the King of Payne, welcome to my domain!"
The King of Payne: "I am the King of Payne, my men will destroy you!"
The King of Payne: "I am the King of Payne, defend yourself!"
The King of Payne: "Welcome to my domain!"
The King of Payne: "Welcome to my empire!"

Attract mode sounds:
Sir Psycho: "Again!"

Ball save:
Merlin: "Don´t move!"

Merlin: "Replay!"

Merlin: "Ha ha, match!"


The King of Payne: "Eh, I never liked that guy anyway!"

The Duke of Bourbon (all qoutes said by The Duke of Bourbon unless stated otherwise)
The King of Payne: "You will never defeat The Duke of Bourbon!"
"I am The Duke of Bourbon... I think!"
"I am The Duke of Bourbon, and I will destroy you! Hic!"
"It´s happy hour!"
"Come on in, and we´ll take this outside!"
"Did ya bring any princesses?"
"I don´t remember inviting you?"
"Stop making all that noise!"
"Where´s my castle?"
"Where´s the bathroom?"
"Happy New Year!"

Lord Howard Hurtz (all qoutes said by Lord Howard Hurtz unless stated otherwise)
The King of Payne: "You will never defeat Lord Howard Hurtz!"
"I´m Howard Hurtz, who the -bleep- are you?"
"You know why they call me Howard Hurtz? Lord, Howard Hurtz!"
"I´m Howard Hurtz, and I´m gonna put the hurt on you!"
"You think this is funny?"
"You got a lot of nerve, pal!"
"I think we got a tough guy here!"
"Try that again and I´ll break your finger!"
"I wish someone would invent the gun!"
"Get away from my castle, you dirty rat!"
"You´re gonna be sleepin´ with the fishes!"
"I´m gonna make you look like an accident!"
"He made me an offer I couldn´t refuse!" The King of Payne: "You fool!"
"I´m a dead man!"
"Now I´M gonna be sleepin´ with the fishes!"
Lord, Howard hurts!"

Francois de Grimm (all qoutes said by Francois de Grimm unless stated otherwise)
The King of Payne: "You will never defeat Francois de Grimm!"
"I am Francois de Grimm, and I will get medieval on your derriere!"
"I am Francois de Grimm, and I will get medieval on your behind!"
"Go away, you peasant from another kingdom!"
"You are totally ruining my paint job!"
"I will reduce you to french fries!"
"You cannot fight, or cook!"
I will boil you in oil, and wrap your feet in cabbage!"
"I will sic my hamster on you!"
"You will remove that battering ram from my castle!"
"Big deal! I have another one just like it down the road!"
"Big deal! It was a rental!"

Sir Psycho (all qoutes said by Sir Psycho unless stated otherwise)
The King of Payne: "You will never defeat Sir Psycho!"
"Sir Psycho declares war on you!"
"You can´t beat me, I´m medicated!"
"You´re driving me crazier!"
"Mommy never loved me!"
"My castle! Boooooo!"
"My castle! I don´t care... I don´t care...

The Earl of Ego (all qoutes said by The Earl of Ego unless stated otherwise)
The King of Payne: "You will never defeat The Earl of Ego!"
"I am The Earl of Ego, and I am far superior to you!"
"I am The Earl of Ego, kneel before me!"
"How dare you lay siege to a nobleman´s castle?"
"I thought I locked that gate?"
"We are not amused!"
"Aargh... my glorious castle, ruined!"

The King of Payne (all qoutes said by The King of Payne unless stated otherwise)
"You dare seige my castle?"
"Not now, I´m on the throne..."
"You have destroyed my castle, but you will never destroy ME!"

Knight: "Charge!"
Man: "Multiball!"


Man: "Fire!"
Man: "Pull!"
Man: "The Catapult!"
Merlin: "You are the Catapult Ace!"


Joust commentator: "Oh my, he breaks the lance!"
Joust commentator: "That had to hurt!"
Joust commentator: "Gory but good!"
Joust commentator (combine any of the left with any on the right):
"Sir Missalot..." "...charges up the center lane!"
"Sir Loin of Beef..." "..., with the Shich Kebob!"
"Sir Moovenstein..." " down!"
"Sir Lanceless..." "..., with the lance! Boom shaka laka!"


Man: "Grab a pitchfork and come with me!"
Man: "The castle burns! Get the weenies!"
Man: "The castle burns! Get the marshmallows!"
Man: "I´ll drink to that!"
Man: "Let´s revolt, who´s with me?"
Man: "They took our shrubberies!
Man: "They took our shoes!"
Man: "They took our pinball machines!"
Man: "They took our cows!"
Man: "They took our children!"
Man: "They took our marshmallows!"
Man: "They took our wives!"
Man: "They took our gruel!"
Man: "They took our trolls!"
Man: "They took our livestock and treasured historical monuments!"
Man: "Good work, men!"


Opera Damsel

"I´m getting hungry!"
"I feel like singing!"
"I´m all skin and bones here!"
"Please save me! And dont´forget the donuts!"
"Yohoo, mein helmut has horns!"
Merlin: "It´s not over until the fat lady sings!"

Damsel 2 (valley girl)

"Oh my God, this dragon is ,like, totally grody! Ew!"
"I´m ,like, totally captured!"
"Yohoo, up here!"
"Uh, do you have a horse?"
"Totally chivalrous!"
"Oh my God, you are, like, so cute!"
"This is, like, totally medieval!"

Damsel 3 (saucy wench)

"That dragon is big! But I but you´re bigger!"
"Is that a sword in your pocket?"
"I´ve got a reward for you..." "Now, now, now!" Go, go, go!"
"Take me, I´m yours!"
"Not now, I have a headache!"
"I always knew that someday my prince would come!"

Damsel 4 (jewish goyl)

"This dragon is an animal!"
"I need saving!"
"You want me to fry?"
"You got air conditioning up here?"
"What am I, chopped liver?"
"What are you, some kind of prince or something?"
"Where have you been?"

English accent Damsel

"Up here, in the tower!"
"Mind the dragon, love!"
"The rain in Spain... oh, just save me!"
"Now´s your chance. Save me!"
"Let´s get married so we can get a divorce!"


Merlin: "Beware knight, trolls to fight!"
The King of Payne: "Trolls. Go. Now. Get him!"
The King of Payne: "My trolls will stop you!"
Trolls: "Mmm, human burgers!" "Do we get fries with that?"
Trolls: "Trolls rule!" "That´s right, rule the Universe!"
Trolls:"We eat you for lunch!" "With croutons and sprouts!"
Trolls: "Look, your shoe´s untied!"
Trolls: Can´t we all just get along?"
Trolls: "He was weak. I am strong!"
Trolls: "He was useless. I am invincible!"
Trolls: "Hey, don´t leave me out here alone!"
The King of Payne: "You call yourselves trolls?" "Eh, it´s so hard to find good help!"
The King of Payne: "Trolls, do not dissapoint me again!"
The King of Payne: "Trolls, do not fail me this time!"


Merlin: "Magnificent!"
Merlin: "Beautiful!"
Merlin: "What skill!"
Merlin: "You did it!"
Merlin: "Good, good, good..."




Merlin: "Super Jets!"


Merlin: "It´s not tragic, you have Merlin´s Magic!"
Merlin: "Let´s see what we´ve got here..."
Merlin: "Ah, here it is!"



Trolls: "Come on hit me!"
Trolls: You can´t hit me!"


Man: "Save the children!"
Man: "They took our children!"